: Do these starting paragraphs make you want to keep reading? OK, first, I'm not a native. So, what you do by instinct and a bit of research, I do by extensive research, including accents and

@Gail2416123

Vote Up Vote Down

OK, first, I'm not a native. So, what you do by instinct and a bit of research, I do by extensive research, including accents and dialog style.

I’m dead.
‘But you have a chance,’ I was told, ‘Then why not take a
leap of fate?’
Fate? Hhh… One wonders how I am dead. But… I’m stuck in
a future to which I did not belong for reasons I could not understand.
I neither knew my captors nor did I share their motivesI despised them. All of them. I shall rip their hearts, one vein for everything they forced me to see.
The one time in my life I could do without reason. My mind wouldn’t work without
reason. She… Huh… She allowed me to do so. Or rather denied me the choice. You’ll get to know her, eventually.
This is a world so strange to me. Where nothing is possible until it’s
flipped over. But, as everything is another face of something, nothing
is truly possible.
You see? I can’t understand! Me! This means no one
can.
My name's Adam.
Though not good news, this is your story.
—
For the past five decades, people and governments of the world lay down differences and conflicts, pursuing the dream of the Utopia to
which we’ve always aspired. We still have a long path to take. But a
sudden and unexpected ripple might be in its way to disturb the flow.
Are they rumors? Some say it is coming down from the sky. Others say
it is coming from beneath the ground. Some even say it is the end of
the world.
We weren’t able to reach any scientists to comment on the seismic
activities in the South-Pole or the interference in communications for
the past three days. Internationally, governments preferred to keep
citizens in a deep state of information black-out. No one answered
these questions. And we’ve asked international organizations,
universities, private research companies… But no one really knows what
to ask; not yet.
NASA just announced that a press conference is to be held at the
United Nations’ headquarters in New York at hour thirteen-hundred
(13:00), Eastern-Time; eighteen-hundred (18:00) GMT. Until then, the only official word we’ve
received does no better than reinforce the rumors, conspiracy, or
whatever is happening; which the political system so far played catch
up to hide.
One thing is certain, a change is occurring. A change that will add to
a world’s history that remained relatively peaceful for half a
century.
I will be joining you in New York at ‘1 PM’ to cover the press
conference NASA has announced. This is Elizabeth Blitz, WWN; reporting
live from The White House; Washington D.C.
“Don’t trouble yourself with that,” Tana finally said. She’d been
closely watching the broadcast; but not for the news that was said.
“You need rest. Just forget it.”
Adam smiled. “Why’s she on TV?” He’s been heeding the picture on the
wall, not for any news however. The bed he lay on was comfortable, but
his body still didn’t like it. He tried to adjust his pose but pain
shot through his spine; he gritted his teeth and let go.
“Mmm…” Tana was hesitant to reply. She remained silent as she headed
for the projected control-display on the nearest wall. It’s not worth
it at all. Not by any shot. She didn’t care what reason he’d put into
this, but she wasn’t going to be the one stressing him, opening
Pandora’s box, on her son.
“Hh… Don’t think about it. It’s really nothing. She’d applied long ago
and today they needed her,” she finally said. Then, pushed by her
nature, she continued honestly, “With some of your friends too. They
were given jobs… That’s all.”
Tana left the control-display and watched Adam closely; he stared
blankly at the television projection on the wall. In the rare
occasions he was silent, thinking, debating, it was never good.
“Friends? An’ jobs?”
She took a deep breath. “OK… You landed in New York.”
“America! What the—?” He tried to sit up again; he could almost hear
his back and elbows complain. His mother quickly took hold and forced
him into a more comfortable pose. He continued, commanding yet gentle
in tone, but not yet wishing, “Don’t tell me they know. Please don’t.”
“OK, you know what? Just forget about it all. People have more
important things to do. Rumors are the thing of the day… Every day,
actually. And just a couple of here-says about a grand conspiracy in
outer space won’t have their attention. Politicians have other things
to hide, things that really matter to people now. I imagine if we told
them of a school on the other side of the moon, they’d sue us for
wasting their time.”
“You know it’s not just a school, mother.”
“Adam. If you didn’t do it, all of you would’ve… died,” she sat next
to him and stroked his hair. Her hands trembled from the mere thought.
“And you… You’re not supposed to worry about anything further. They
got you into this and they’ll have to get you out. The jobs your
friends received were actually a sort of gift; they got the jobs
officially as prodigies. The last thing the UN wants is minors getting
into the mix.”
“Comforting!”
A moment of silence followed. The walls of the room were a pure white
that, contrary to popular belief, didn’t help you relax at all; its
brightness almost followed your eyes through the lids. There, far into the distance, sang a bird, just faintly. Adam knew there was more to
it. He knew more. When he knew and others didn’t, it was okay to him,
the other way around wasn’t an option. His mother didn’t tell him how
many were injured and if there were any dead. For his secrets, if he
didn’t tell, someone else will. He moved his arm on top of his chest;
he felt a strange tingle in it, as if felt by someone else.
The same reporter returned to the picture, this time the background
was a more soothing view of the country, possibly the gardens of The
White House or a green land on the road. She seemed very nervous, not
transparently, but enough for Adam to notice. He watched, becoming
increasingly worried. She’s been tapping her palm with her index
finger; there’s more to it.
This just in: The PHFO has issued a worldwide alert, advising everyone to evacuate Atlantic and Pacific coastal areas within three
miles from the shore. I repeat, three miles offshore, the Pacific and
the Atlantic coastal areas. We haven’t yet received any comment on
this but you are advised to stay clear from the coast. Go to a
safe-house further into land if you can. Local police forces will be
available to help you. Although we are still waiting for official word
from the White House, NASA, or really anything, it remains for now up
to public decision, and prayers.
Repeatedly tapping her palm with her index finger, in rhythm, with
something Adam knew. As he kept looking at the Elizabeth's picture projected on the wall, loud, erratic, footsteps came nearer and nearer.
Her finger... A tick, a tock. One, and zero. 1011101-000-1010111-000-11101
RUN
“My god…”
31 days before…

Does the opening tell you enough to make you want more without telling too much? Does it have enough suspense, with every line? Is it too long-winded?

(2)

Login to post a comment!