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Topic : Re: Need help to rephrase this sentence to prevent a run-on I'm writing a narrative and am having a problem structuring the order of events. Here is what I have: Jamie had an 8 am flight - selfpublishingguru.com

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Why do you want to rephrase it? Because you read somewhere, that sentences should be short? Because someone said, you would drive off readers? Then don't do it. Think about what you want to express.

The protagonist is in an uncomfortable situation. Jamie is not there to help. So he has a little bit more stress, is in a hurry. So would he take a break between the actions and catch his breath at each period?

I wake up the girls. I feed them. Then I dress them.

Or would his actions be more breathless:

I wake up the girls, feed them, dress them.

I think you are going for the second situation. Therefore I wouldn't change your sentences. They express this well.


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