: Re: How to improve the ending of my short novel (mostly dialogue)? In a previous question, I asked about how to improve the opening of my short novel. The following is the ending: "Can I
1) As far as concept, there's nothing to improve. I like this quite a bit. The mystery and the philosophy dovetail nicely. There isn't a lot of action, and whatever "happens" is occurring in dialogue. This works really well.
2) Action tags can be almost anywhere you like; it's mostly a choice of style. As long as it's clear to whom the action belongs, there's no particular rule. I suggested one spot to fix below, but otherwise all your action tags are clear.
3) Minor fixes:
her lips slightly parted
Mouths are open, lips are parted, because there are two and they are parted from one another.
I would put a line break before "She leaned her head..." so that it's clear that the next line of dialogue is hers.
closed the bottle
You can't close a glass, and he wouldn't be returning the glass to the shelf.
Either:
"What does it look like?"
OR
"How does it look?"
washed his hands
Either:
was in the right place
OR
was in its place
What's this drink called?
That's important, so that we know she means the drink and not the philosophical concept he's discussing.
started drawing circles
They're not imaginary because she's drawing them on the glass, even if she's not writing them with ink.
she continued, "there is
Comma instead of period, lowercase T
More posts by @Debbie451
: I kind of like the idea of starting with #2, but italicized and as its own paragraph — almost like an epigram leading off your essay. In fact, if you can get two or three of these
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © selfpublishingguru.com2024 All Rights reserved.