: Re: Does my story beginning hook the reader? (dialogue + narration)? The following is the opening of a short story I'm writing: Erin stared at Ruth, eyes narrowed. "There was an earthquake

@Samaraweera193

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No and no for me as well. Here is my feedback:

Too much emphasis on the surroundings, rather than on characters. I don't care that it was a spicy chicken leg, Marlboro Light cigarettes, on a neon sign advertising Heineken. Maybe you think such inferences help us "see" the surroundings, but they made me feel like I was trudging through a swamp of detail.
Why was she musing about a 6.0 earthquake, when the news said it was 4.3?
People who shrug their shoulders while declaring, "I think I missed it somehow" don't generally discard their hypotheses – maybe they dismiss their ideas, forget their thoughts, or shrug off their notions, but not discard their hypotheses. (I didn't think those words were a good fit).
You wrote: "One thing was sure to her..." Why not, more simply, "One thing was sure..."
"She didn't fell [sic] earthquake." This passage isn't ready for prime time.

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