: Re: Does my story beginning hook the reader? (dialogue + narration)? The following is the opening of a short story I'm writing: Erin stared at Ruth, eyes narrowed. "There was an earthquake

@Candy753

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Ignore grammar errors for now, that is not the point. You want to make sure you have a story worth proof-reading first. Writing will help you improve your English, but focusing on grammar will detract from your story. The only value of grammar is to make the reading smoother for the reader.

The first line is good, I'm interested. For better pacing of the story, try breaking up the next big paragraph. This is just a suggestion, but maybe have Erin's thoughts about her memory be interspersed with Ruth's description of the earthquake.

This is just an example, and I made sure not to change much of it. I find that reworking a story is easier when I see someone else's interpretation of it. Feel free to use it or ignore it. :-)

Erin stared at Ruth, eyes narrowed. "There was an earthquake last
night?"

Ruth nodded. "Around 9p.m. Didn't you feel it?"

Erin searched through her memory, but came up with nothing. What I was
doing at that time? she wondered. One thing for sure: she wasn't
asleep. She didn't go to bed that early.

"I don't remember feeling any shaking," Erin said with her eyes
narrowed.

If for any reason she had fallen asleep, the intense shaking would
have woken her up immediately. After all, she wasn't a heavy sleeper.
It occurred to her that maybe she had indeed felt earthquake, it just
that she didn't remember it. But she decided to discard that
hypothesis.

"I don't see how you missed it", Ruth said. "The news says it was a
4.3 on the Richter scale."

She didn't consider herself particularly smart. But when it came to
remembering things, specially events of that magnitude, her brain
never failed her. Only one possibility was left; she didn't fell the
earthquake. But how can that be? She asked herself. The idea couldn't
fit into her mind. She shook her head no.

"That's strange," Ruth said, and grabbed a cigarette from her purse,
and lit it.

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