: Re: Cutting down on paragraph size As a novice writer of fourteen, I've tried a few attempts at science fiction (military science fiction, to be specific), and of course my writing's got HUGE mistakes
All around, it's actually not too bad. Some tips:
The natural tendency when you're writing action scenes is to over-describe -- so start cutting bits. Look for things that are redundant, and especially look for things that are over-specific with limbs (hands, legs, etc.), and with measurements. The readers don't need to know where all the limbs go unless it's relevant to the story.
For instance, compare what you had here:
Exerting strenuous effort, Sinclair rolled onto his chest, the ground
below him uttering grinding cracks of protest, and his upper body
burned likewise, then stood to one knee as he braced one forearm to
rise up to full height, for a split-second watching as the Lutetian
soldiers continued to valiantly hold off another flurry of the
infernal hellspawn, then swiveled on an armored boot, retrieved his
railgun rifle laying askew several centimeters away from where he
crashed.
To the same sentence as I've edited it:
Sinclair rolled onto his chest. The ground below him crackled under
his grinding weight and his arms burned as he pushed himself up. But
he stood up anyway, rising to his full height for a split second --
just long enough to see that the Lutetian solders where valiently
holding off yet another flurry of the infernal hellspawn -- before he
snatched up his railgun from where it lay when he crashed.
Better? I think so. I cut out the bits about forearms and knees, and armored boots a-swivelling and several centimeters away a-laying.
This also turned out to illustrate several other points:
Cut the sentances down. I turned that one sentence into three, and it could have easily been five instead. That's a bigger problem for you than the overall lengths of your paragraphs. Action is, well, active, so short, tight sentences work well.
Sentences should generally start with the subject. This is especially true at the start of a paragraph. We don't need to know about "exerting strenuous effort" until we know who it is that will be exerting that effort.
And finally, beware "-ing" words. Sometimes they are necessary, but they should only be allowed in your fiction under grudging duress. "-ing" words tend to weaken writing -- and they also lengthen it. You're doing better than most with not having "-ing" words, but there are still plenty to cut. You'll find your writing becomes much stronger, and tighter, when you re-write the "-ing" words away.
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