: Re: Is the following piece of text comprehensible and written in good style? I am a PhD candidate and I am having difficulty in communicating effectively in writing. Specifically, this post is a

@Annie587

Vote Up Vote Down

I'll offer some blunt advice that I've given my own grad students over the years.
Be direct. Make it easy for readers to see the main points you're trying to convey. (I think the main parts of your question are that you're a Ph.D. student whose advisor thinks your writing needs improvement, and you're asking for comments about style and understandability.)
Prefer shorter, simpler sentences. (The sentences beginning with "I thought that..." and "My supervisor..." could be shortened a lot.)
Avoid jargon, vague words and phrases, and superfluous words. ("my writing work" should be "my writing"; "the readers would get a glimpse of my ability to communicate" is superfluous.)
Avoid intrusive parenthetical phrases. ("and, in addition, explains" breaks the flow of the sentence.)
Avoid superfluous modifiers. (You suggest that readers could offer "insightful comments", but that's a bit of unneeded flattery.)
Here's how I'd rewrite your question, retaining a semi-academic style:

I am a PhD candidate and I would like to improve my writing. My
supervisor believes that if my writing were easier to understand, we
could work together more productively. I have two questions: Is my
writing understandable? Could the style be improved? A sample is given
below.
...
I hope that my question is appropriate for this forum.

(0)

Login to post a comment!