: Re: How can I improve the effectiveness of my examples to grab the recruiters attention? I am in the process of answering the question please indicate any leadership roles you have held for a particular

@Annie587

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I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be, since in the end a lot of
these things come down to subjective likes and dislikes, but here's a
few thoughts:

The pattern of "problem, action, result" is often recommended for
resume-type writing. The goal is to prove your skills and experience
with a concrete example of how you had a problem, what you did to try
and fix it, and what the outcome was (usually something positive I
suppose, but it could even be what you learnt and how you would go about
handling the same situation differently).

If you search for "problem, action, result", there are lots of resources
about it on the net. Your first example shows some of this, with the
"0 prize" being the result. In the second example, you describe the
action ("designed clearer charts"), but the result is only implied
(something positive I assume? x% reduction in inaccurate quotes, or
some increase in customer satisfaction, maybe).
Specifics. This is getting into the subjective realm, but when I'm
reading resumes, it really stands out when someone responds with specific
things that they've done, as opposed to generic descriptions.

In your first example, what was your business idea? Which university?
You say a small team -- could you say "a five-person team" (or however
many there were). How did you establish yourself as an "expert on the
target market"? You delegated tasks that improved efficiency -- maybe you
could use a specific example of why and who you delegated to, and why it
worked? In example 3, which youth conference? How many people attended?

I realise the word limits make it difficult to have too much detail,
so go for the one or two things that best demonstrate your abilities.
You may want to consider reducing some of the sentence lead-ins to
give you more words (for example: "Having to maximise the usefulness
of the few resources provided"...is it really necessary, or is the
lack of resources going to come out in the following detail?)
Be careful with being vague in describing the activities you performed,
as they might not be interpreted how you intend. For example,
"I assisted with booking the venue" -- if I was feeling particularly
uncharitable, I could interpret "assisted" as "you were in the room while
the person with real authority did the booking". Maybe you surveyed
and evaluated potential venues? It might be stronger to state this.

Hope this helps.

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