: Re: Is this dialogue and situation intriguing (short story)? This is the continuation of a story I mentioned in a previous story. I would like to know if the reader would feel intrigued by the

This is really amazing and eerie start for a story!! I was very intrigued throughout. I like the dialogue for the most part, but to make the woman appear even more mysterious, I would recommend she not seem so eager to share these thoughts with Julian, and make him inquire a bit more. One other thing which tripped me up was when you said that she was wearing a black bikini with a jacket covering her top half, because if the jacket was covering her the man would not be able to see her bikini. Perhaps it would be best to say something like, "Her legs were bare and she was wearing what looked like black bikini bottoms. Her top half was covered by a dark jacket."
Anyways once again, I personally love the mystery at the start of the story, and that is what gets readers hooked. I was curious to find out why she was lying there and I never doubted that this would be answered later into the story!

Load Full (0)

: Is the ambiguity in my story the salt which makes it tasty or just plain frustrating? Because this story is quite ambiguous in relation to the setting and also the main character's gender,

@Deb2945533

Load Full 1 Comments

: Deciding the setting: real or invented? I'm preparing some material because I have the intention of writing a book. I'd do this in every type of work, but considering that I'm writing Crime

@Deb2945533

Load Full 5 Comments

: Characters with no names I've got a few short stories going, and I've foregone naming any of my characters. It started because I just didn't have any good names in my head and I was going

@Deb2945533

Load Full 7 Comments

: Peeking through character's mask Normally, I specialize in strong, determined, uncompromising, extroverted protagonists, "If the laws of physics are against us, too bad, they need to be changed."

: Re: Is this dialogue and situation intriguing (short story)? This is the continuation of a story I mentioned in a previous story. I would like to know if the reader would feel intrigued by the

More posts by @Deb2945533

: Is the ambiguity in my story the salt which makes it tasty or just plain frustrating? Because this story is quite ambiguous in relation to the setting and also the main character's gender,

: Deciding the setting: real or invented? I'm preparing some material because I have the intention of writing a book. I'd do this in every type of work, but considering that I'm writing Crime

: Characters with no names I've got a few short stories going, and I've foregone naming any of my characters. It started because I just didn't have any good names in my head and I was going

: Peeking through character's mask Normally, I specialize in strong, determined, uncompromising, extroverted protagonists, "If the laws of physics are against us, too bad, they need to be changed."

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top