: Re: Looking for some tips on how to improve writing I have just completed my first draft of a novel. Now the story is completed it's time to capture the style so the reader can engage in the

@Deb2945533

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I'm afraid this is all too telly. It's more like a news paper article than a story, you're just dumping all the information in one big info dump. This is lazy writing. Instead of stating that "Kid’s either take their own lives, turn to drugs, prostitution or serve a life behind bars" you need to show it through action, dialogue, plot... Show us a day in their lives, paint it to us, show us their misery and let us come to that conclusion ourselves through the action you show. Don't just tell us it is so and expect us to take your word for it. Readers in general don't like to be served things, they want to get to some conclusions on their own.

"The first time I realized this was more than a dream was when I seen my mum lying in bed with pills lying around her, I knew something was going to happen to her." Don't tell us it happened, show us it happened. Show us how it happened, where it happened, how the character felt when it happened. Intrigue us, pull us into the story, don't just dump facts at us.

To answer each individual question:

Sorry, but it doesn't grab me. It's an info dump, I have no feel for the character nor the story. "If you treat me with respect I will treat you with respect" does not give me the feel for the character. For all I know, he could be lying.
The writing style is easy enough to read, and on that I have no remarks. I prefer clarity over all, and the text is very clear, so that's a yes from me :)
Show, don't tell :) Make it a story, not a news paper article or a manifest. You do have a promising story here, you just need to present it better.

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