: Requesting A Writing Critique, Hopefully More Focused In light of the questions I've been asking here and the questions I've had about my writing, I thought of a good candidate to try and be

@Kristi637

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In light of the questions I've been asking here and the questions I've had about my writing, I thought of a good candidate to try and be more specific about. This is a small paper I had to write for one of my classes. I had the electronic version of this (and not the printed one I turned in), and re-read it and found it interesting how my guesses were so spot-on. So I was thinking of posting it to another web forum. I don't have any plans of selling this work, so I thought it would be a good candidate.

The topic and goal: The professor at the time was really interested in Bill Gates' book "The Road Ahead". It had been published roughly 4 years before this, and the goal Gates had with the book was the assignment. We were to make three predictions about what we thought would happen in the near future (5-10 years) with the computer industry and support those things with adequate reasoning.

Critique Questions: As with many of my papers, this one came back with no critiques at all. I figured out very easily that it didn't hurt my grade, so I guess it satisfied the professor. But I went over it before I posted it and found six problems from a logical or grammar standpoint and fixed them. So I can say given my awareness of things, it's as good as I know to do. Reflecting stuff I have heard in the past:

1) Are there any egregious grammar or sentence structure errors that I'm not seeing? One of those six errors was a sentence that was completely nonsensical that I somehow missed, so I figure this is good to ask.

2) Clarity: Does what is on the written page make logical sense and clearly communicate an intent in a non-confusing fashion (for example, no actor/actions confusion)? Do the sentences logically flow into one another as written? Am I being too excessive in that regard (another paper I wrote had the single phrase "more flowsy than you need" on it, so I have to ask)?

3) Are there any instances of extra or superfluous words or phrases which have no useful function?

4) Do I use words in an incorrect fashion? (i.e. "which" versus "that")

Thanks for the time that anyone might spend on this!

(originally finished 04-03-2000)

There is a very interesting future to the use of information
technology in business and how business views information technology.
I believe that general demands in business as well as user demands
will change and shape the computer industry in the years to come.

Right now in history, the computer industry is at its point in
development similar to that of automobiles in the era of Henry Ford.
Before their widespread acceptance, automobiles were feared as the
“horseless carriages” that thundered down the paths that horses and
stagecoaches took by the people who were hesitant to accept the new
technology.

The time of widespread fear of computers by the general populace that
paralleled the period of the “horseless carriage” occurred in the late
1970’s into the 1980’s. As the Ford Motor Company (as founded by
Henry Ford) brought the automobile into the age of increasing
acceptance, Bill Gates and Microsoft has brought the computer into the
age of increasing acceptance.

There will need to be more changes to computing and information
technology. Furthering continued acceptance of information technology
as a valuable tool in life would be a major focus of the developments
in information technology. To that end, there are three foreseeable
factors which should happen to reach this goal. Standards for
usability of systems should increase in order to simplify the use and
value of information technology. Furthermore, the development of
high-bandwidth and wireless systems at an affordable price which
provides for all the demands of the users will become necessary. Then
as the number of automobile dealerships and repair sites have
increased with their acceptance, the number of trusted and reputable
computer dealers that are available will increase, along with the
knowledge of the average customer for information technology.

Delivering The Right Data To The Masses Without Headaches

Simplification of the use and implementation of information technology
will increase as time passes. Demands of more knowledgeable users for
systems will lead to easier used and maintained systems in business.
This will lead to higher standards being placed on design and delivery
of not only the right data, but the right data at the right time.

Delivering the applications and hardware to deliver the right data
needed at the right time will more than likely involve several
technological changes. Wireless access is an infant in the life cycle
of industries and innovations will continue to come from this industry
to provide higher bandwidth with more reliable wireless access. Voice
recognition and command will eventually be perfected to the point that
people can obtain data of differing types via simply talking into a
microphone versus using a mouse or typing in a keyboard.

Due to market pressure from the home user, the commercial software
industry is currently moving in this direction. Software is coming
out all the time that is supposed to aid or help the user in
performing their task or obtaining the data they need. These demands
will carry over into the business world as largely uninformed users
will learn to expect more from information technology in terms of
delivery of the right data at the right time.

Furthermore, there will be vast opportunities in the information
technology industry to make money in delivering this ease of use and
portability to users in terms of the software or in terms of training
and support. There will be major switches in how information
technology is perceived by business and users alike. They will learn
to expect more quality, user friendliness, and reliability from their
information systems.

Taking Computing Power For A Road Trip

With the increasing acceptance of information technology and especially the
Internet, the desire for
businesses and users to be able to have computing resources at their
fingertips will increase. The nature of these changes will involve
smaller hardware, as well as wireless access to different data sources
such as the corporate network, satellite, or the Internet.

Information hardware will truly become mobile to the point of possibly
wearing it as a wristwatch and gaining different functions such as
times, global-positioning system access, and paging. In addition,
what we currently know as PDAs or personal digital assistants will
evolve to have better user interfaces and wireless access to a home or
corporate network. Computing power will become common in automobiles
as well to perform functions such as routing telephone calls,
providing directions, and even programming music that is of an
acceptable taste to occupants of the vehicle. Providing instructions
to the hardware will be as simple as giving voice commands.

With all this mobile computer power, fast and reliable wireless access
will be required to provide the information. Many wireless services
are already in place for various functions such as paging and cellular
telephone access. These standards will need to be further improved
and augmented with other standards and would-be standards such as
wireless network access and broadband access to provide for the
eventual demands that users will place on the systems, such as
interactive voice and video.

Sprint’s PCS or personal communication services are a candidate for
such a system. It is not widely enough implemented or reliable enough
to provide a stable connection but it has the potential to provide a
suitable enough bandwidth for voice, data, and video. It also
provides access for paging and cellular telephone access through one
access number or point. This model will prove a useful basis for
future developments in mobile data access.

IT Vendors On Your Street Corner

With the increasing acceptance of
information technology, there will be more demand for businesses and
the IT industry to provide more and better systems. This acceptance
will result in an increased number of sales outlets for hardware and
software IT systems, as well as an increased demand for hardware
repair and installation, maintenance, and training on these systems.

Increased knowledge and awareness of the exact capabilities of these
systems will enable better decision-making and foster interest in
learning about them. As the systems get simpler to use, acceptance of
those systems will increase in the general populace. Demand will
increase eventually to the point of having a vendor of IT equipment or
services literally on every street corner.

With an increase in the number of hardware systems in circulation,
there will come an increase in demand for repair and maintenance of
those systems when they break down. Demand for job positions in these
areas will increase for people who have an understanding of the design
and implementation of these systems to the point of being able to
repair these systems, maybe to the point of computer repair becoming a
common major in college.

Increased acceptance brings an increased desire to learn about using
information technology. Therefore, this increased desire to learn
will bring about an increased demand for training and instructional
services, to the point that whole franchises could possibly be
developed with very little start-up capital. A simple business model
to provide one-on-one instruction or a classroom environment on
elementary usage and function of these systems should bring a lot of
new entrepreneurs into the marketplace for information technology.

Conclusion

A simplification of information technology should continue
into the future to the point that computing hardware should become as
easy to use as turning on a television is now. Furthermore, there
will be an increased demand to be able to make these IT resources
mobile, giving them the ability to access a home or corporate network,
or many public services, such as temperature readings, directions, and
positioning services. In addition, people will learn to accept
information technology as a staple of their lives. Demand for
simpler, easier to use systems will increase on businesses from
employees of those businesses as well as the end-user consumer market.
Information technology is headed for several interesting twists and
turns in the next ten to twenty years.

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