: Re: Is this stylized writing successful or gimmicky? This is a ~3000-word piece, with deliberately stylized writing. Is the style of this piece successful or gimmicky? Does it read smooth or choppy?

@Sims2267584

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I read small segments through the piece and found a wealth of great little details though I think it still reads a little to much like a flight of fancy piece. That is to say it is obvious the importance of the piece to yourself though not to the reader. It helpful if you ask your self two questions with your piece:

"what is the most important feeling I want to covey to the reader"
"how can I do that with the least words possible"

Regarding the style it will read fine if you economize on words.

A great exercise with this piece would be to try and rewrite it with half the word count whilst still maintaining its original meaning.

P.S. I am not trying to be mean in my criticism its just this is a common trap people fall into.

P.P.S. Cormac Macarthy uses this style to much success in his book the Road

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