: Re: Opening a story with a reference to what someone just said followed by a setting description An example: Naomi's words hung in the air as I gazed out of the hotel window. The mountain

@Bryan361

Vote Up Vote Down

Alex, the basic concept of opening with a reference to what someone has just said, followed by a scene description, is absolutely fine. In fact, it's a great idea. In your example, I think you've handled it really well! I see that you have the concept down perfectly, and this is a first draft that you can polish into something terrific.
There are of course a kazillion ways of doing it, so forgive me for just going ahead and taking my own turn at the plate here. Let me just have a go for fun:

Behind me, Naomi repeated the name. She knew she would have to, even though she couldn't see the scorn on my face. Before me, the mountain was a sleeping giant in the dark. A cluster of city lights glittered at its feet. Cicadas chirped and chattered in the surrounding forest.
"The Dragon's Egg Tree," was what she had said, for the second time.
I turned away from the hotel window and strode past her.
"Drink?" I asked, grabbing a bottle on the side bar.
She scowled. "That's all you have to say?"
I dumped some tonic into her gin and shoved the glass into her hand.
"What else should I say if you bring me three thousand miles to talk about fairy tales? Cheers, Naomi!"
I downed my Scotch in one gulp.

(0)

Login to post a comment!