: Changing the way one addresses a character in a dialogue to create variation I wrote the following dialogue: After a moment, Eri's mother appeared from the kitchen, carrying a tray with

@Candy753

Vote Up Vote Down

I wrote the following dialogue:

After a moment, Eri's mother appeared from the kitchen, carrying a
tray with miso soup. Eri was startled by the amount of food. Her
parents were definitely regarding her visit as a special occasion.
Should I feel happy or guilty because of this?

“Look how thin you've become, Eri,” her mom said, placing the soup
on the table and sitting down.

"You've been losing weight?”

“Oh,” Eri said, inspecting herself thoroughly. "I didn't notice.”

“It's been a while," her mother said. "You should come back home
more often, the house had become very lonely without you.”

Eri lowered her gaze. "Sorry. I've been a bit—busy.

“Enough of talking, people,” Eri's father said. "Let's eat."

The three picked up their chopsticks and started on the food. The
scene seemed strangely normal to Eri. It was as if everything were OK,
and her mom were perfectly healthy. In fact, she looked more lively
and energetic than Eri remembered. The whole illness issue seemed like
a distant, bad dream. Something that belonged to another reality.

Still, Eri couldn't take the thought out of her head, so she decided
to ask.

"Uh, about the tests," she began.

Her mother nodded to Eri's dad. Then, putting down her chopsticks
she said, "Well, as you father may have told you, I've been going to
the hospital for some medical examinations." She paused and looked up
at Eri. "And they've found a strange lump in my breast."

Eri's lips slighly parted. "You mean, you have breast—"

"No," Eri's father said, joining the conversation...

As you can see I'm trying to alternate between Eri's mother/father, her mom/dad, etc.

Did I effectively create variation, or will this just end up annoying the reader?

(2)

Login to post a comment!