: Re: Rhythm in the following passage I wrote the following: Having finished her breakfast, Tsuki went to take a walk at the beach. She made her way through the sand barefoot, feeling the

@Dunderdale623

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Too fragmented for my liking.

First, the brakes cry foul as you change the tempo from fast-forward "Having finished her breakfast, Tsuki went to take a walk at the beach" to idle foam running between toes, without as much as a paragraph break. Give us a paragraph that introduces the beach, removing shoes, touch of sand - one paragraph of braking from breakfast fast-forward to dipping your toes in sea foam is really not too much to ask for.

Then - sentences this short are good for rapid action, breathless fight. Definitely not good for reflexions like yours, and the descriptions are lacking depth too.

It reminded her of a distant childhood: afternoons at the beach building elaborate sand castles with multitude of colorful sea shells decorating castle walls, drawbridges of driftwood and gates of sticks; swimming under the sunset, ...

Smooth it out. Give it flair. Make the sentence flow and build upon what she's missing, make it rich and desirable. The two ending sentences build a good closure for that, bringing the paragraph to a conclusion.

Then, having done that, use the "She sat on the sand and gazed at the sea..." as start of a new paragraph. You gained an insight, ended an introspection, reached a conclusion, and now it's time to move ahead with the life - starting with a new paragraph.

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