: Re: Rhythm in the following passage I wrote the following: Having finished her breakfast, Tsuki went to take a walk at the beach. She made her way through the sand barefoot, feeling the

@Angie602

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Hmm, I don't see/feel any "more-than-average" rhythm/flow there.

E.g.

This was one of her favorite sensations in the world. It reminded her of a distant childhood.

I would change it to something like:

This was one of her favorite sensations in the world, reminding her a
distant childhood.

In your example there is a pause, so the reader can stop and think about the sensation. In my example it's presented as a fact that is not important to analyze or think about. You just accept it ;).

In crime/mystery stories you can often find out what thing is important, beacuse the author mentions it more than once or use more sentences like you have done. If it's something not very important and just helps to imagine the space etc. he puts commas there ;)

Btw. try to eliminate the vast usage of This, it, those. E.g. in your 4 sentences, 3 of them started with This, It and those.

I mean, it's OK for a non-fiction to be specific, but I would be more careful in fiction and try to start sentences with less pronouns. If it's possible.

E.g. try to avoid this:

This is my house. It is very big. And that thing is my car.

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