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Topic : Does this opening somewhat grip the reader? I took the advice of very helpful people on my last question. I considered many possibilities to start my book, but I chose this one. This is only - selfpublishingguru.com

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I took the advice of very helpful people on my last question. I considered many possibilities to start my book, but I chose this one.

This is only a snippet of my opening. I am going for a strong grip. If I am heading in the right direction, but need strengthening then please tell me. Please be critical:

The house felt so empty when Grace wasn’t here. My sister was almost always at work, trying to make ends meet. I kept wishing that I could do something to help her, but there wasn’t much legal work for a sixteen year old in Sector C. So in the end, her job was the only thing keeping a roof over our heads.

I was lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling while I waited for her. It was my favorite spot to relax and think. It wasn’t extremely comfortable or expensive. It was an old, worn down couch with a disgusting brown color. It was practically falling apart, but I still liked it. The thing made me feel at peace when I laid on it. Time felt like it just passed by much faster when I laid here. Just five minutes on the couch would zone me out entirely.

“Drake? Hey, wake up.”

My eyes opened to someone standing over me. She had steel gray eyes and long, black hair that fell to her side. She was young and beautiful yet, she gave off a mature vibe.

“Oh, welcome home Grace.” I said, yawning.

She was still in her work uniform. She wore a black vest over a white dress shirt with a skirt. She had just gotten home.

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“Drake? Hey, wake up.”

My eyes opened to someone standing over me. She had steel gray eyes
and long, black hair that fell to her side. She was young and
beautiful yet, she gave off a mature vibe.

“Oh, welcome home Grace.” I said, yawning.

Brandon Sanderson did this time and again in The Alloy of Law and it drove me crazy;

My eyes opened to someone standing over me. She had steel gray eyes
and long, black hair...

To me this says that he doesn't recognise her, if he did he wouldn't say someone, he'd say Grace, because he knows who she is. Starting with an unnamed someone and describing her features in that way is normally reserved for when a character meets someone they don't know (because looking at their feature is one of the first things they do.)

instead I feel something like this would work better:

“Drake? Hey, wake up.”

I opened my eyes to find Grace standing over me, her steel blue eyes catching the light behind a curtain of long black hair.

“Oh, welcome home Grace.” I said, yawning.

Also, the mature vibe bit would come across better in context; don't tell us she's mature, show us she is in her actions.

In respect to the overall piece I'm concerned that rather than being impactive it's actually quite slow. Perhaps if we could see what happens next? As it is it's just a guy ruminating on how he likes to veg out on the sofa. And I agree with SF, I have no idea where and when this is set. The Sector C thing makes me think it's a Sci-Fi, is that right?

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No.

We're floating in void. It might be a mars colony or a soviet siberian town, or a suburb in colonial Brasil, or the last human city of postapocalyptic Earth,
I just can't picture the place, nor the characters. I still don't know the narrator's gender. It's an uncomfortable void and instead of trying to get into the minds of characters I'm grasping at straws struggling to build the scene and the characters.

Give us a snapshot picture of the world, then I might start considering other emotions.

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