: Re: Am I using too many adjectives/adverbs in the following piece? As I made my way uphill, I understood why An-Mei chose this place for her spiritual healing. I glanced around. Gorgeous

No, not necessarily. I don't think you're over describing things. I could understand some of the bolded words being removed, but not all of them.

If things don't add to the mood, then I'd get rid of them. You're talking about a beautiful place-- mentioning that things are beautiful is only adding to that. So saying that the conifers are gorgeous isn't a bad thing-- maybe all conifers are gorgeous, but these are exceptionally so, so much so that the main character had to mention it. Or maybe it's just that this character never took the time out to notice how beautiful conifers are. Or maybe it's just this place. But using the word "gorgeous" only adds to the mood. Now, if every other time you mention conifers you say "gorgeous" then you're probably over doing it. It doesn't hold that much of a punch if the character thinks all conifers are gorgeous. You don't have anything in your excerpt that sticks out to me, as detracting from the mood.

For some things you have to just ask yourself "is this overstating?" For example, "contrast" means "being strikingly different from something else" (more or less). You wouldn't have to say that a contrast is great, that's overstating it. If the contrast is so different that you want to really punch it up, you'd probably want to use a more... exuberant phrasing.

One other thing you can try is asking yourself "does this make sense/how does [phrase] work?" Take the "sounds that sank gently" phrase, how does that work? What does it mean? What feeling to you want it to convey? Odds are you might find you'll make a new phrase that works better for you.

Load Full (0)

: How to add difficult Web Citation? I am writing an article and needs to be heavily cited. My statement is: Jinisys Software Inc is a partner of Cisco. Problem: Cisco website does not

@Gloria285

Load Full 0 Comments

: Writing an article avoiding Libel I will be creating a blog article that talks about Illuminati in our local country. I will be talking about the "organization's" role in making specific artists

@Gloria285

Load Full 5 Comments

: How to write a cover letter for The New Yorker fiction section? What should a cover letter for a short story contain? Do I need to tell what is it about, try to "sell" it? Should I write

@Gloria285

Load Full 2 Comments

: Need A Way To Avoid Excessive Use Of Subject When Refering To Character I'm writing a short story, and need to avoid excessive use of a subject. Using he, his, or the man will get very repetitive

: Re: Am I using too many adjectives/adverbs in the following piece? As I made my way uphill, I understood why An-Mei chose this place for her spiritual healing. I glanced around. Gorgeous

More posts by @Gloria285

: How to add difficult Web Citation? I am writing an article and needs to be heavily cited. My statement is: Jinisys Software Inc is a partner of Cisco. Problem: Cisco website does not

: Writing an article avoiding Libel I will be creating a blog article that talks about Illuminati in our local country. I will be talking about the "organization's" role in making specific artists

: How to write a cover letter for The New Yorker fiction section? What should a cover letter for a short story contain? Do I need to tell what is it about, try to "sell" it? Should I write

: Need A Way To Avoid Excessive Use Of Subject When Refering To Character I'm writing a short story, and need to avoid excessive use of a subject. Using he, his, or the man will get very repetitive

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top