: Re: When does repetition start becoming tedious (especially metaphors)? I always find myself using CTRL + F to remove the words/phrases I think I'm repeating too much (most of the time they are

@Goswami879

Vote Up Vote Down

As a baseline I personally try to avoid repeating similar words and phrases in the same paragraph as a bare minimum. In this case the repetition isn't as obvious, (well, the fact that you bolded it makes it quite obvious, but still...) but you could probably get away with straight removing 'as though' in that last paragraph, and maybe even that first instance as well.

as if also as though
like something was actually so.

In terms of repetition, I don't think it's ever bad to check for repetition, just don't let it get in the way of your actual writing process (i.e. don't over-edit).

In the second case, removing 'as though' leaves you with

Paola gazed thoughtfully at the flames, trying to find a hidden meaning in their glow.

She may not actually be trying to decipher their meaning, hence the 'as though', but the image is still there. Based on that, I as a reader get the sense that she has a thoughtful look on her face (you could also remove 'thoughtfully' from the first part). The image is still there, and in my opinion removing 'as though' only enhances it.

In the first instance, removing 'as if' (and a little rewording) would leave you with

My entire life had consisted on hiding hard-ons.

Obviously it includes the 'feels like my life's about this' sense, but clearly your narrator is a young boy going through puberty (or older than that, even). I could believe that this would be a perception he might have or a statement he might make, however ridiculous it might sound.

(0)

Login to post a comment!