: Re: Does the following dialogue sound stiff and formal? This is a dialogue from a short story I'm writing: Finally, a log caught fire, followed by the rest. And in no time Paola and I
A few points that got kinda stiff for me as a reader and as a writer were when you split a sentence with a dialogue tag.
For example,
"I used to do it a lot," I explained, "when I was a kid."
"Wow," I said, "no need for that.
However, the dialogue you split with action tags was fantastic.
"Uh, Paola?" This was the best moment to bring it up. "Can I ask you something?"
Among many others so well done.
A few points below sounded awkward.
She continued, "Anyway, that’s why I’m here.
Paola said, "Joking aside, I came to visit my mom."
Re-word those with a description of some sort and they'll fit right into your scene. Content-wise your dialogue felt natural, honestly. Not stiff in the slightest.
More posts by @Twilah982
: Is this story worth publishing? A Nightmare A horrifying scream from his daughter’s room woke him up, he rushed to
: Author order and grouping on technical document This question pertains to author/contributor order and grouping on a technical document. I performed tests on some equipment and had two other people
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © selfpublishingguru.com2024 All Rights reserved.