: Re: Does the following opening grip you? Of all the people who wanted to join the trip, Paola was the the last I expected would come. It surprised me. We barely knew each other at school,

The voice in your first paragraph reminds me of Holden Caulfield. More a monologue than a narrative; a thought process noted in great detail, slowing the pace. To me this is promising. It could be YA or something else - The Catcher in the Rye is only YA on the surface.

In the next paragraph the plain-speaking teenager seems a different person, I don't believe him waxing poetic: "Like Spring and Fall, fire and wood. Light and darkness." If he's a poet that's fine - but set him up as a poet.

I agree with Cristina: if the girl is "almost a dot in the distance", I don't believe him, saying he can make out her figure. This matters because I do a double-take: did I miss something?

I don't like the sigh - it's vague and melodramatic, feels like something added for effect. I want every sentence to be essential.

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: What are some creative memoir writing styles? I am in the process of writing a memoir covering several years of my life while I was at Google and working on the earliest versions of Chromebook.

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: Can I mention any famous name etc in my work? When writing a book, can I mention famous person or something copyrighted? Like, for instance: And as I was walking down the road, I saw

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: Using species from another novel, in my novel, copyright infringment? I would like to start a novel, but it would include Fantasy species such as Dwarves and Elves, etc. I got this idea after

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: Is there any research about the efficacy of illustration and example placement in procedure writing? In writing procedural documentation, I have the choice of writing the complete step-by-step instructions

: Re: Does the following opening grip you? Of all the people who wanted to join the trip, Paola was the the last I expected would come. It surprised me. We barely knew each other at school,

More posts by @Pope4766717

: What are some creative memoir writing styles? I am in the process of writing a memoir covering several years of my life while I was at Google and working on the earliest versions of Chromebook.

: Can I mention any famous name etc in my work? When writing a book, can I mention famous person or something copyrighted? Like, for instance: And as I was walking down the road, I saw

: Using species from another novel, in my novel, copyright infringment? I would like to start a novel, but it would include Fantasy species such as Dwarves and Elves, etc. I got this idea after

: Is there any research about the efficacy of illustration and example placement in procedure writing? In writing procedural documentation, I have the choice of writing the complete step-by-step instructions

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