@Odierno164
Last seen: Mon 17 May, 2021
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: Why can't self-represented litigants use "I" to refer to myself? How can this be true for even pro se litigants in court? Why can't they use Singular First Person Pronouns in their pleadings,
How can this be true for even pro se litigants in court? Why can't they use Singular First Person Pronouns in their pleadings, when they are alleging causes of action to them personally? How must they call themselves then?
Isn't it tedious and weird to keep calling themselves as "Plaintiff", or their own full name?
Use “we†for yourself and your client, and use “counsel for appellant or respondent†for opposing counsel. Do not use “you†to refer to the court. Do not use “I†to refer to yourself.
This book bases on US law. Bahrych (PhD University of Washington in Medieval and Renaissance Studies, JD University of Washington), McLellan (JD Santa Clara University), Merino (JD Stanford). Legal Writing and Analysis in a Nutshell 5th edition (2017). 163.
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: Why's “egalitarian documentation†'cacophony'? I know cacophony means "harsh or unpleasant sound", but I don't know what “egalitarian documentation†means. I can see it's poly-syllabic
I know cacophony means "harsh or unpleasant sound", but I don't know what “egalitarian documentation†means. I can see it's poly-syllabic and long Latinate words. But why's it cacophony?
I.USE FEW LITERARY DEVICES
A plain style is usually the best style. If you do wish to use figurative language, do so where it will not interfere with communication of substance. When you edit or revise, consider the sensory dimension of words. Omit rhyme (“however cleverâ€), cacophony (“egalitarian documentationâ€), conspicuous alliteration (“fallibility of four factfindersâ€), and unintentional puns (“a case without appealâ€).
Bahrych (PhD University of Washington in Medieval and Renaissance Studies, JD University of Washington), McLellan (JD Santa Clara University), Merino (JD Stanford). Legal Writing and Analysis in a Nutshell 5th edition (2017) p 93.
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: How does the end of a sentence conveys the greatest emphasis, but the beginning conveys secondary emphasis? Location of information within a sentence also affects emphasis. Generally, the end
Location of information within a sentence also affects emphasis. Generally, the end of a sentence conveys the greatest emphasis, the beginning of
a sentence conveys secondary emphasis, and a parenthetic phrase or clause
at a natural breaking point in the middle of the sentence conveys the least
emphasis.
This is from the bottom of page 39 below. I had to do double take! I thought author flipped the order. Doesn't the BEGINNING of a sentence convey the GREATEST emphasis? But END of a sentence conveys SECONDARY emphasis?
Charles Calleros, Kimberly Holst. Legal Method and Writing II: Trial and Appellate Advocacy, Contracts, and Correspondence (Aspen Coursebook Series) (8 edn 2018).
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: If your Introduction can function as a Conclusion, isn't it redundant to write anything in the Conclusion beside "refer to the Introduction"? In the example below, I would state the Conclusion
In the example below, I would state the Conclusion just once, at the beginning. I pick the sentence under Section 5 because it's more detailed than the sentence under Section 1. I find the second conclusion in CREAC superfluous. Why not just do CREA?
Even if you need CREAC, and the second conclusion, to signal the reader that you're concluding, why not just write a curt sentence asking the reader to refer to the conclusion at the beginning ("Please refer to the beginning or page whatever)? Isn't it pointless and stupid to paraphrase your Introduction?
   This chapter will explain one organizational paradigm, CREAC, and how it is used to express different forms of legal analysis, including analogical reasoning and rule-based reasoning. CREAC has five component parts, each
building on the other. Each letter in CREAC represents a specific component part of the written expression of legal analysis: Conclusion, Rule, Explanation of the law, Application of the Law, and Conclusion. When drafted
effectively, the parts combine in a cohesive, logical, and comprehensive expression of legal analysis. CREAC is a flexible paradigm that can be manipulated or translated to fit many different types of legal analyses or documents.
The key is to understand how each component part of CREAC fits together.
Romantz. Legal Analysis: The Fundamental Skill (2009). p 120.
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: Character development. Do I need major events for changes or can it be more gradual I have this main character who is very academically gifted but has a bunch of problems. For example he is:
I have this main character who is very academically gifted but has a bunch of problems.
For example he is: Anti-social, paranoid, ignorant of the people around him, very violent, short tempered, and has a certain disdain to life in general, human or otherwise.
Now throughout the story he is shocked and surprised to see that things are not as they are.
For example when he joined the magic school the headmaster there, a man respect in the whole world, choose him to be his ward. He then thought that the position was insulting and the fact that he practiced less magic than his peers made him ostracized and a lesser wizard.
This is absolute blindness on his part as the only reason he was chosen was because he has the potential to be a great wizard and the headmaster wanted to tempered his character and teach him magic under his guidance.
When he later discovers this he is shocked and thinks that he peers must be joking. The fact that he practiced more intense and higher magic was lost to him and he always thought he was a lesser wizard. Obviously he is really blind in many things. He is a teenager after all.
This is just an example.
Now to the story. Well. At a certain point he travels with a group of other students in search of their master. As the journey continues he is constantly put in unfamiliar territory of human interactions and finds himself to be wrong a lot.
So. Over the course of those long days of riding and camping and talking and fighting I had his character change a little. Notice a little.
The problem is I'm worried that I did not focus enough on the changes in the chapters.
So. Do I need a lot of inner thoughts on that? Can the changes be more subtle where from chapter 1 to chapter 7 he starts calling the other students friends and becomes more aware of his actions?
This includes a romance subplot and overall more of coming of age story and becoming more mature, if only in actions, story.
I keep thinking of major events. There is a couple of them and they are given focus. But I also like to tone down this and have him overcome his flaws with time, and incorporate into the group and become less of an awful person without calling to much attention.
So. Instead of harsh or snarky remarks he starts to become nicer, instead of suggesting murder on the first opportunity he would listen to others plans...etc. All without calling out this changes.
I know this might be a little bit opinion based so if you want to consider it to be what is the prevailing thought or what are the most important rule about character changing, showing it big time or subtly, or something more concrete then is is basically the same goal.
Ultimately I have no problems about any changes. All writing is to accomplish a goal and anything that does not help that is extra weight I'm willing to dispose of.
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: Re: Can there be too many obstacles in a character’s path? My current WIP involves a deliberate miscarriage of justice. I started out with three main characters: J - a young girl who is effected
While most people would advise you with the same old: it is in the execution.
I will agree but have to add several things.
Time. The Lannister brothers go through an insane journey that is still being continued in the books. Kaladin from The Way of Kings goes through hell and back. I won't bore you with more examples. So what is the common thing that makes me consider those stories excellent and makes us all, or at least most of us, agree on that? Time. Not only in world years but also in pages. In both worlds the characters are not the only one and, GRMM has more but it is the same idea, and there are many other POV chapters that take us into different directions and make us forget all about character X. But if you have 3 chapters to put your criminal through and the guy is just going through all that then I'm sorry to say that I will roll my eyes out and consider it cheesy. But spread it out and it gets better.
Yes. This is more of an opinion and most people will have different thresholds. But even if you base stuff off reality you can't just add more and more and more torture to the character. The last book I read like that I still consider really terrible because of that. You can't just hurt and hurt and hurt the character. Call it whatever you want. People don't expect that and I would advise not to be corny.
Law of diminishing returns. Say you write a female character and she is raped in chapter 1. This is a major point and, if the writing is even average, we would be sad and shocked and angry and just devastated. Now in chapter 2 she is also raped. You finish chapter 3 with another rape. And by chapter 12 she has been raped like 10 times. Well. By chapter 12 I have become desensitized to her rapes. I don't even care how will the rapes are written or how emotional the thing is. The volume of tear jerking here is too much. This is not me. We all know the Mary Sue is bad but the reason it is bad is because a Mary Sue falls into that category of too much of X can be Y. That could be too much of a good thing can be bad. So really use your hurt or obstacles with reason. Don't just torture the character continuously.
My scars prove my worth. Cheesy quote aside this is a simple and great way to actually make your obstacles count. X Kept a vow and so he went to jail. But his girl broke up with him and he lost his job. X choose to run into the burning building to save the little girl but he got 3rd degree burns and broke a leg...etc. again much like the bodily scars the character has to collect all sorts of scars as a result of their journey. If even a game master would tell that you must have consequences in the world then it is the same with stories.
Obstacles that fit the genre. I won't get into genre now but basically you should not write a story with elements from other stuff and obstacles thrown in there from all over the place to give extra redemption or whatever. Getting framed and shot and all that is enough. Don't try to add him having to solve a global zombie crises and calculate the needed materials to build a space elevator.
Lastly I'm not against anything. Merely point out to stuff in theory that should be addressed and noticed. It is all about what you wrote after all.
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: Re: I found a story I wrote as a little kid. Should I finish it? There was this story I was writing, when I was a little kid, that I found. I called it "Rage." I liked the story,
Ummm... Asking this question answers this question. ;P Obviously you enjoy what you're seeing and you can consider it as an "Inspiration" if nothing else. You can either just pick up where you left off and come back to tighten the beginning when you've finished your Rough Draft, OR you can just start from scratch and use that as your reference material as you craft the story anew. Whichever feels better to you.
I'd say that if you already plan on going back to "Edit" the beginning over and over as you continue the story that you just start it from the beginning so that you can iron these things out as you go along instead of constantly revisiting it.
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: Yes of course you can, there are multiple ways to do it. My favourite example is in one of the most famous movies of Max Ophuls: "Madame De..." Even in the title of the movie,
Yes of course you can, there are multiple ways to do it. My favourite example is in one of the most famous movies of Max Ophuls: "Madame De..."
Even in the title of the movie, the character name of the leading actress is incomplete.
It's hidden throughout the whole movie.
Every time a character is about to pronounce her name, something happens (horse-drawn carriage passing nearby, a train about to leave...)
Every time her name could be read somewhere, the remaining part is incomplete due to a series of coincidences.
This element contributes a lot to the storyline of this particular movie which is in my opinion the best example and I'd recommend you to watch it.
In this case, in the screenplay, you could just say Madame De...
Or use whatever name you want, but keep it constant, because the screenplay is for the production crew not for the audience. So if you want to hide the name to the audience you can do it by changing what's written in the actual script. The naming of the character is only relevant for production.
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: Re: Should I end my book on a major cliffhanger? I am writing a YA fantasy series, and I'm wondering if the first book should end in a major cliffhanger. Right as the book ends, the main characters
When was the last time you were watching a TV show that the season ended in a cliffhanger, but then wasn't renewed for the following season?
Were you happy, sad, or mad about it? And then compare that answer to how you liked the show and how fulfilled you are by it ending.
That's your answer right there.
Here's one example.
Farscape. It was a science fiction series that many people had grown to love. The 4th season ended in a major cliffhanger. And then it was cancelled. A year later and after many complaints, it was picked back up and they made the equivalent of a 3 part movie to resolve the cliffhanger and all the other story arcs left dangling.
It being cancelled left people angry and unfulfilled, which might have happened even if it wasn't a cliffhanger, but with it's cliffhanger, it made them that much more angry.
So what I'm saying is that the only way a cliffhanger really works is if the next book is already available to read or maybe guaranteed to exist. Otherwise you make the reader feel jerked around. Do this enough times with starting a series and never finishing the 2nd book, and you'll lose readers before you get them.
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: Re: Am I telling or showing? I'm having some trouble with "Show, don't tell" when come to writing, so I'd like some advice. I'm trying to highlight the relationship and personality between
The amount of dialogue you use doesn’t directly determine whether you are telling or showing, it’s more about what you write.
In your example you’re showing us that Uraag is naive and innocent by having her walking around naked and not realising that it’s inappropriate. If her master had just said to her that she was naive and innocent that would have been telling us and similarly if the narrator had said that she was naive and innocent that too would be telling us, just without using dialogue.
In general showing rather than telling is about letting your readers draw their own conclusions from your character’s actions and so the amount of dialogue doesn’t matter as long as the character’s actions and dialogue feel natural and real.
As a case in point the master in your scene tells Uraag that he wants her to be safe, and while you are telling us this it’s also a natural thing for your character to say to comfort Uraag after bringing her to the brink of tears, so it doesn’t feel like telling rather than showing.
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: Why aren't literary magazines more honest in their rejections Many literary magazines routinely send out form rejections with the following types of statements: Thanks very much, bla bla… Unfortunately,
Many literary magazines routinely send out form rejections with the following types of statements:
Thanks very much, bla bla… Unfortunately, the story is not right for
us at this time. We wish you better luck in placing it elsewhere.
OR
Thanks very much bla bla… Unfortunately, we have decided to pass on
the story… Writing is very subjective and just
because we rejected it does not mean that some other magazine will not
accept it. We wish you good luck in trying it with other publications.
I often hear from these slush readers that the vast majority of stories sent to them are ‘terrible’. If that is true, then it seems dishonest and irresponsible that they would be sending form rejections with such obvious falsehoods.
When someone uses words like "at this time," it strongly implies that the same story could have been published by them in different circumstances. It also implies that the story can be sent to them again at a different time. Yet, we know that these magazines have a policy of not allowing rejected stories to ever be sent to them again even if they are improved, which makes the words "at this time" ridiculous. Also, adding “good luck†to the words "placing it elsewhere" is also clearly misleading and dishonest with respect to poor-quality stories.
If the purpose is to be ‘kind’ to the rejected author, it seems to me that there are obvious alternative ways of writing (genuinely) kind and helpful rejection forms without lying to the novice authors or misleading them. One such way is the following:
Thanks very much for trying your story with us. While you had
interesting ideas, we personally felt that more work is needed in
improving the story. Please do not be disheartened; writing is a skill
that takes time to master and the competition is fierce. If you keep
at it, you will no doubt be successful. Also, for future submissions,
we suggest testing your stories with beta readers and writing groups
before sending them out.
We wish you best of luck in your writing career.
I wrote that on the fly in just under a minute. As you can see, it is both very comforting and honest. Another example, which is neutral and doesn’t involve making any comments on the nature of the submission, would be:
Thanks very much for trying the story with us. Unfortunately, it
doesn't suit our magazine. Feel free to try other stories with us in
the future. We wish you best of luck.
Of course, there are many different variations of them. But the bottom line is that they are polite, kind and do not involve lying.
From my experience and observations, the vast majority of people appreciate honest feedback as long as it is done kindly. There is nobody who would write an obviously poor quality story and then throw a tantrum when kindly told that it isn’t perfect.
At the end of the day, if these editors lack the imagination to compose rejection forms that do not involve being dishonest and misleading, then why don't they just simply say "story declined", or something to that effect, and move on?
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: Does "Let me know if you have any questions." mean "reply only if you have a question"? Does "Let me know if you have any questions" mean that there is no need to reply unless you
Does "Let me know if you have any questions" mean that there is no need to reply unless you have a question?
I get informational emails sometimes that end with some form of "Let me know if you have any questions" or "Let me know with any questions", for this specific instance it's my landlord telling me about scheduled maintenance of the elevators.
Should I reply with a short thank you or should I not reply anything unless I have a question?
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: Re: How to write a socially awkward, anxious character without them ending up like Bella Swan? I'm trying to write a character who is shy and awkward and has anxiety so she would stutter or have
The answers above are pretty good already so I'm just adding a few extra bits. Basically, you are approaching the problem from the wrong angle: the question shouldn't be "How do I make my socially awkward character likable", but "How I make my likable character deal with a crippling behavior", if that makes any sense. One thing that could help you is to write down the background of this character, starting with what makes it a likable person, then expending to her full background. You don't need to include all this background in your story, but it help you predict how your character will react to situations.
Shy or introvert people are like everybody else: they have hopes, dreams, qualities and flaws. Maybe she's very shy but extremely funny when we get to know her, or maybe she's super insightful. Maybe she's truly passionate about something, or have a special talent that only waits to be noticed by the people around her. Get to know your character: what does she likes, what are her hobbies, her favorite things to do? How does she likes to dress? Does she have friends or a role model? Where does she likes to hang out? What are her flaws, what gets her angry? What could pushes her to make the wrong calls? What situations causes her to stutter? Borrow traits from real people you got to like if that helps.
Once you know what kind of person your character is, you'll be able to write believable situation where she would act awkwardly and still get your reader to root for her. And remember: if that character is important to your story, there should be at least an obstacle to overcome that help her triumph over her flaws (or at least mitigate them): having to make a big speech, asking the popular guy out, whatever suits your story. You read a story to get a sense of progression: if your character is as crippled at the end of the story than it was at the beginning, there's not much of a point in reading about her. Hope it helps.
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: Asking about writing techniques Could you please help me..I have ideas of writings and stories, but..when I come to start writing, I can't find what I need to write the plot and that's leads
Could you please help me..I have ideas of writings and stories, but..when I come to start writing, I can't find what I need to write the plot and that's leads me to think about giving up
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: Re: Should my character speak like an layman or a Latin teacher? 'He tracked and updated 182 patient statuses' OR 'He tracked and updated 182 patient stati?' I believe "statuses" is correct. However,
Is your character a medical professional? He probably wouldn't say any of those things, he'd probably say, "He updated charts for 182 patients." or maybe, "He did rounds and updated charts for 182 patients." (I'm not a medical professional, but I've watched a lot of medical dramas. Also, again not as a medical professional, 182 sounds like...a lot. Even if you only see each patient for 5 minutes a day, that's over 15 hours!)
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: How to make a weak character fight in major battle My character is about to fight someone that really strong but he believes that he is still weak. So how can i force him to fight. (For
My character is about to fight someone that really strong but he believes that he is still weak. So how can i force him to fight. (For plus note: i make a fantasy story like magic and stuff)
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: Re: Book recommendation for keeping writing specific / concrete My job requires formal writing, however after self-review, I found that my writing does not have enough substance. This was confirmed
Adding to the good suggestions mentioned before.
Consider regularly referring to style guide. Microsoft style guide for technical writing is good for formal writing. It has a lot of guidance on cutting out fluff and writing in action-oriented sentences, framed in active voice, and in shorter sentences from readability perspective.
As suggested before, the books are to know the theory and develop a practice over time. For immediate review checks, some tools will come in real handy. Most tools follow the style guides to a reasonable extent. I like Grammarly and Acrolinx but these are paid and costly options. Microsoft Editor comes bundled with a MS Office 365 subscription and is paid too. There are some tools available for Google Docs. And here are some good open-source alternatives if you prefer those: opensource.com/article/20/3/open-source-writing-tools.
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: Re: Methodologies to organise writing/copy/editing tasks This question is all about methodologies to handle the workload efficiently for a freelance who deals with copy/editing of documents/articles. In
Agile just focuses on project management by breaking projects into manageable chunks, frequently tracking the progress of the chunks across sprints, and regulating the plan or expectations based on current progress. I'd like to suggest that the same goes for any project, including copy-related projects.
Just as a project/program manager would provide statuses and updates for the various touchpoints in SDLC (software development life cycle) to the client, the freelancer doing copy/edit work can provide a planning, status update, and retrospection calendar to the client. On the said weeks, one can meet with the client to impress upon them the progress and the roadblocks/dependencies. Also, use end-of-sprint retro meetings to highlight gaps in, say collaboration or funding or review inputs. Also, use the sprint-planning meetings to set their expectations right about meeting timelines, say by calling out any past flaws in planning or on-demand, ad-hoc work derailing plans as a risk factor.
Allow me to share this link around documentation from the scrum's official site. See agile and documentation.
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: Referring to groups and unnamed individuals from groups in a screenplay The following extract is from a screenplay I'm writing. I could really use some advice on how to format it, particularly
The following extract is from a screenplay I'm writing. I could really use some advice on how to format it, particularly around referring to groups of people and an unnamed person from a group.
Bob watches as a group of YOUNG WOMEN dance.
He turns his attention to a group of MIDDLE-AGED MEN talking at a table.
They continually glance over at the Young Women.
The Young Women head to the exit.
Bob watches the Men.
A MAN from the group gets up and walks to the bar.
Is it right to refer to e.g. the group of young women as 'Young Women' with capitalised first letters? The same question for 'Men'.
I am also not sure how to refer to the 'MAN' from the group, does it look OK as is? He doesn't have a name or dialog and doesn't have any further role in the screenplay.
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: Re: I'm writng a biography; what questions should I ask when interviewing the subject? I will be meeting someone soon for a multi-session interview where I will be gathering information for the book
I also need a few interview questions but questions like, “When were you born?†are good to start off with. Other questions could be:
What year did they graduate high school and college?
Did they play sports in college, and if so, what sports?
Did they play any instruments?
Were they ever married, and if so, in what year?
Do they have kids, and if so, how many and what age(s) are they?
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: Re: How do I make my plot more interesting? This is gonna be long before I ask the question itself. Here is a quick overview of my plot: In the fictional world named Slavaz, there is a great
Here are two ideas that could help the situation:
They are NOT mutually exclusive!
1; Change your prophet's environment and situation
If you want to create a struggle for the prophet and make his journey less straight-forward and less predictable, surround him with people/a society that doesn't believe him.
Maybe they don't believe in 'that God'.
Maybe they don't see why HE should suddenly be chosen as a prophet by God.
Maybe the message he brings from God doesn't fit with their understanding of X...
2; Make the prophet an important 'side character' - take away his POV
A neat trick for creating tension, that could also make the story less predictable, is to make your prophet a non-pov-character - Hear me out:
I imagine you've spent a great deal of time creating and getting to know your characters - That time is never wasted!
What we as writers sometimes miss, is that "knowing the truth" or "knowing too much" can take something away from the story - and make it more difficult to write... The more the audience can question and/or try to figure out, the more potential there is for curiosity, tension and drive in the story.
Perhaps the POV-character that we follow is the prophet's best friend (and they are both shepherds) and the POV-character's bother is still a commander in the war. His "main goal" becomes one of figuring out whether the prophet is true and then how to support his mission if he believes him.
Disadvantages;
You might have to change quite a bit about the parts that follow your prophet directly.
The challenge in the prophet's timeline becomes something slightly different; The question for the prophet storyline changes from "How do I convince X?" to "What would convince me?"
You would need an additional character in that storyline (which you might already have).
Advantages;
You don't have to write the 'conversations with God' but can simply refer to them. Same for any other God-act.
The reader is probably as skeptical as the surrounding characters.
Switching the "prophet POV-parts" to a person that is close to the prophet can make for a lot of interesting dialogue, that would contain more mystery, than if we were following the prophet himself.
This answer could apply to a number of different stories. Simply switch the 'prophet' with the 'character'.
I hope it works out, and good luck writing!
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: Re: How to maximize reader comprehension if worldbuilding is complicated? Parts of my worldbuilding are critical to the plot. If readers don't understand the world, they won't understand the stakes
So it seems to me that your problem has three causes which I’ll address separately.
Firstly, you seem to be falling foul of the show don’t tell rule. Summarising plot points like “oh, I see, so if I fail X I’m dead†is almost the definition of telling instead of showing. This is particularly evident with you bit about the magic course turning you into a sociopath. Instead of just telling your readers the magic users are sociopaths consider having your magic using characters act like sociopaths. And if you want your readers to pick up on it being more than a minor inconvenience, then have it be more than a minor inconvenience to your magic using characters. Having a character go through this process in the narrative and show the marked changes in their behaviour will also show readers this affect much better than just telling them.
(addition for clarification)
Argued dialogue can still be exposition if the argument itself is not what your trying to convey, but what the argument is about is what your trying to convey.
E.g. an argument about how becoming a Prime may get the MC killed will demonstrate that the character arguing with the MC cares about them and doesn’t want them to die, as that’s what’s being shown, instead of showing that the MC is willing to take risks for the sake of power, as that’s not being demonstrated its been told to the readers.
So if being a sociopath is why the MC is taking the risk to become a Prime then maybe have him take smaller risks to get little bits of power first and maybe show someone else trying to become a Prime and failing. So you show that he’ll take risks and you show the stakes.
You can still have it mentioned in the arguments to help drive the point home but demonstrating it will have a greater impact.
Now this isn’t to say you can’t ever tell anything, but if you can show it you should probable do so, as it will resonate with readers and be remembered much more often.
Secondly motivations for characters should be emotional, as building an emotional connection with readers is what makes people want to continue reading your story; in order to find out what happens to your characters. Having read your example though I can’t tell what your character’s emotional motivation is. It seems like by becoming a Prime they’ll get more power and influence but why do they want that? Your summarised bit of “oh, I see, so if I fail X I’m dead†tells us what will happen if he fails but if the motivation is, I don’t want to die, he could just not take the gamble.
So what bit of your world does your protagonist actually want?
Do they need the legal immunity because a load of dark criminal secrets are about to be revealed and destroy him? Then the readers will learn becoming a Prime gets you legal immunity.
Do they need the power because a rival family is undermining them to make the family destitute but becoming a Prime will make them untouchable? The readers will then remember the power a Prime gets.
Showing which bit of the world is actually part of your character’s emotional motivation will help determine which bits of the world your readers remember most.
The final part is slightly tangential to your question and ties in somewhat with the second bit on motivations.
It also may or may not relate to you specifically but is worth mentioning for others who have similar problems with worldbuilding exposition.
Namely people read stories for the exciting and emotional tales of the characters in them and it’s only after a reader gets emotionally invested in the story that they will then want to read about the world in general. As the author however you’re really interested in the world, you’ve created, in general and it can be easy to write loads of expositional worldbuilding that you find really cool, but that your readers won’t, because they don’t have the emotional investment in it that you do as the author.
This means that sometimes you need to bite the bullet and just cut worldbuilding exposition, or at least reduce it to passing mentions. This can be hard because you’ve put a lot into the worldbuilding and really care about it but for the good of the story it is sometimes necessary.
So ask yourself if the bits of your worldbuilding your readers are having trouble getting are really needed for the story, and if not then consider reducing it to a mere mention or cutting it.
Turning it into passing mentions can have the advantage of turning it into a mystery that will intrigue people, so its not all bad. It also can still be used in sequels, prequels or other stories set in the same universe, and having it all planned out makes consistency between works much easier.
Now obviously creating a real and vibrant setting can make a work much more engaging, but its still the characters and the specific story we’re reading that we will really engage with and remember.
I hope this helps, and welcome to the site.
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: Re: How can I steer myself away from using pronouns too often as I write in 3rd person? I noticed that I use "she", "he", and "they"- and a lot of sentences also begin with the aforementioned
Having read your example it seems to me that the reason it sounds like your overusing ‘she’ is because, particularly when used to start the sentence, ‘she’ tells the reader which character is doing stuff in the sentence. In this case however Rosa is the only character in the scene so continuously telling me that she is the one doing everything is superfluous and it breaks the flow.
So to rewrite your example:
Rosa took off her shoes, and stepped onto the hardwood floors in the old Victorian home. Peering into the kitchen, from the dining room, there was no sight of a single soul around. Walking down the hall the sounds of giggling voices stopped her midway. They sounded as if they were coming from the back bedroom, so she then proceeded to walk that way. Her heart thumped against her chest. One step forward, and that's when she heard it, the deafening scream.
So I’ve not removed all the shes, having some if fine. I’ve just changed a lot of things from being ‘she peered’ to ‘peering’ and this works because it’s obvious who must be doing the peering.
In a scene with more than one character you would clearly still need to specify who did what, but even then if you specify that Rosa is doing something then afterwards anything else that is done will be assumed to be being done by Rosa, until you say another character is doing something.
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: Re: In fiction, what is meant by phrases such as "his eyes flashed anger for a moment"? I've read a lot of such phrases, but that one in particular doesn't make sense to me. Physically, what
An image is worth more than a thousand words.
"Eyes flashing with anger" is the very last part of this sequence. It is usually quicker and less dramatic than this, but this image is good to illustrate the concept.
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: Re: Under-the-radar Feelings So I have this idea for two girls that ultimately are going to get into a relationship. One of them is proudly gay and open about her feelings from the start, cracking
I would say you need some tragedies; they don't have to be severe. The gay girl gets dates and they go badly, she needs a shoulder to cry on and her friend supplies that. I wouldn't turn that into a kiss or anything, just a soft spot for her friend. She needs to build up some sympathy for her friend, and grow to see nothing wrong with her friend's homosexuality (and thus her own, when the time comes).
Love attractions typically consist of three elements in real life. The first two are the basis of non-sexual friendship as well:
1) Similarity attracts. I am friends with people that like the same music, the same movies, the same books, the same games, the same classes. They give us something we mutually enjoy, and enhance the experience. Not only that, but if you and I like the same music, then you can share what you find, I can share what I find, and we are both better off, hearing more of the music we like. That's synergy. And affection is built by shared experiences.
2) Opposites attract. Although similarities are generally necessary, beyond the similarities are ways we are different, in good ways. I'd generally make one good at something the other is not, and vice versa. More synergy; together we can be better at life than the sum of what we can do separately; because suddenly the "team" is good at something I was not good at alone, and vice versa for my friend.
3) Physical sexual attraction. The first two are good ways to form strong friendships, but this is necessary for romantic love.
Fortunately, you have (3) already, the gay girl is physically attracted to the logic girl. Now I'm presuming the logic girl is actually homosexual, not bi or hetero.
So gay girl can fall in love with her friend, and her friend can actually be in love with her but mistake it for platonic love.
But gay girl, after a series of disastrous dates, finally confesses that she thinks she is blowing them up herself, because the dates aren't logic girl. And that is truly who she loves. Her gaydar went haywire, she thought there was a spark there, but if there is no hope, she needs to move on. To break up.
It's too painful to be just friends, and she'll never have a relationship with somebody in love with her if all she ever does is wish they were someone else.
Let the logic girl make the first move. It is the absence of her friend (and the loss of those synergies from (1) and (2)) that makes her review their relationship, and realize she actually IS in love with her. That she isn't attracted to men. So she finds her friend, and tells her that her gaydar wasn't wrong, and kisses her.
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: Re: would this be considered fantasy? I am wanting to write a short story in the fantasy genre maybe genre blending. but I'm not sure if my idea is still considered fantasy. an example of what
It's not fantasy, it is a different genre. In fantasy, the world and things in it are real, for the story, but not the same as actual Earth. So there doesn't have to be magic (that is called Science Fantasy), but the world and its contents (creatures, magical or not) has to be the real thing. Your magical creature is not real.
We might say the "afterlife" is a fantasy, but that is usually excluded.
That was not the case in the fantasy series "Dead Like Me", in which some select people, at death, become Grim Reapers; but nice ones: They are there to help dying people make the transition from living to dead and moving on. So in that case the afterlife is real for the story, some of the dead have jobs to do.
I'm not sure what your genre is; probably literary contemporary fiction.
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: Re: I abstain from using concise words in my writing, so as to "show" instead of "tell". Is this bad writing? Instead of explaining this whole practice, I'll rather give an example. In a scene
Sorry, I did not get "pompous" out of the description; nor do I know how one "pompously" approaches a desk without looking comical.
You have already had your MC express a thought to the reader. Why not let Alfie just think it?
He turned and saw Jenna. “Fuck off.†Such a pompous twit.
He turned back to his map and sighed. I’m not even high.
I fail to understand how "the outer lines of desks" can be shaped by somebody's gait; is she bumping into them? Why would a "collected" person have any influence on the desks? She wouldn't touch them.
Is she so obese the aisle isn't wide enough? Obesity or a drunken walking style doesn't fit with the word "pompous" or "collectedly".
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: Re: Can't think of a good name for my story I've gotten pretty far into a story that I'm writing, but I can't for the life of me think of a name. I've never really been good at making names.
Look at existing names, and try to figure out how they came up.
One strategy is to name it after your main character; in movies Superman, Indiana Jones. Hancock, Jerry Maguire, Erin Brockovich. In books, Harry Potter, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables, Anna Karenina, [The Adventures of] Tom Sawyer, [The Adventures of] Huckleberry Finn, [The Adventures of] Sherlock Holmes, Robinson Crusoe. Carrie, by Stephen King. The Great Gatsby.
Or multiple characters; Little Women; which also conveys some theme of the book; young girls growing into adults. The Justice League.
Or characters indirectly: The Hobbit, The Lord of The Rings. Divergent (unusual teens that do not fit into standard cultural roles and are therefore labeled "divergent" and may be killed for it.) Inglourious Basterds (intentionally misspelled).
You can name it after a theme: Star Trek, which Roddenberry originally pitched as "Wagon Train in the Stars", basically heroes encountering one-off stories on their travels (one-off meaning the central characters in each story seldom resurface, but there are recurring roles).
Or Star Wars; rebels fighting an evil overlord in sci fi setting.
Many books offer a name and a mystery: Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone (Most Harry Potter stories are mysteries Harry must figure out to save the day). Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Your title is often about the theme of the story, or the central source of sparks and conflict in the story. "When Harry met Sally" is a romantic comedy named after the Inciting Incident in that story, literally when Harry met Sally (as college kids sharing expenses of a road trip, an opposites-attract love story).
Some titles are about the END of the story; Stephen King's "The Stand" is 700+ pages leading up to a final confrontation of good against evil, "The Stand".
But that said, your title doesn't give away the ending, it is just there to intrigue, and make readers curious what the story is about. It should be on point, meaning the Title should make SENSE when somebody reads the story. It should be relatively short, some say 7 words or less. Ten words is probably too many, but famous authors could probably get away with it (and dead authors).
Some titles include the setting, when the setting plays a central role in the stories: Star Wars and Star Trek and The Expanse come to mind. Or a character and the setting: Alice in Wonderland. The Wizard of Oz (movie) or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (book).
Figure out what is most intriguing about your story. The main character? The setting? The mystery or problem to be solved? A McGuffin (a central object everyone wants, like Sauron's Ring, the Ark of the Covenant, The Sorcerer's Stone, etc). A relationship? (Harry/Sally).
The title is a tease, something to make readers wonder what the book is about, often with a curious allusion. (The Bourne Identity). It doesn't summarize the story, it often summarizes a juxtaposition or central conflict or crucial moment (When Harry met Sally).
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: Does self-publishing one's eBook online hurt a writer's chances of later selling the same book to a traditional publisher? Prior to asking this question, I have found and read similar questions
Prior to asking this question, I have found and read similar questions posted by other people and I have come away each time deeply dissatisfied and frustrated by the responses given. Here’s an example.
The reason is because I have noticed that every time such a question is asked, respondents have a tendency to reply by bringing up the Amanda Hocking-type clichés, thus answering in the following manner:
“Sure you can! Look at these self-publishers who were hugely successful and later got contracts!!â€
As a result, respondents end up not actually answering the question. What tends to be overlooked is that the question is really about the very act of pressing the ‘publish’ button, and whether or not, by committing such an act, you have ruled out any possibility of signing a contract with a traditional publisher even if they like the book. That is the question. Bringing up unusual cases like Hocking or Hewitt is a red herring.
In other words, it has nothing to do with how many copies the book has sold via self-publishing. We just want to know if publishers, as a rule, do not want the book to have been previously self-published at all.
As an example, let’s say the agent and the publisher both love the book after reading it and would like to sign a deal. Then you say to them:
“Oh, by the way…uhmm….I think you might want to know that I actually put it up on Amazon for a little while. However, I have removed it.â€
What would be their response? Will they go, “Oh well, in that case, deal’s off!â€
Furthermore, that brings up another frustrating thing I’ve noticed: In the question that I linked to, you will notice that not a single one of the respondents bothered to distinguish between print and digital publishing. In other words, they failed to say whether, when they speak about ‘first world publishing rights requirement’, whether it includes digital publishing as well? Or does it only apply to print? This clarification and distinction wasn’t made, but I think it is important. Because a writer needs to know if it is okay to test the waters through self-publishing as long as they keep it in digital form only.
All that being said, what's all this nonsense about “publishers are only looking for books that have already been ‘proven’ to be successful on Amazon?†What?? Really??
Don’t they brains of their own? Can’t they read? What then is the point of agents and editors?
Besides, this completely ignores the crucial fact that success of a self-published book is highly dependent on effective marketing. Why do people keep ignoring this fact? Why do people keep saying that if a book has been self-published on Amazon but did not sell, then it means publishers cannot be successful with it? What if it is actually a fantastic book and the only reason it didn’t sell was because the author simply lacked the skills or the resources to market it? And isn’t that the job of traditional publishers? Isn’t that what they are supposed to do?
Sorry about the multiple questions, but now you can see why I am baffled by this issue. Here is just one example of what I’m saying (from the same link):
This sentence is from ‘Seth Gordon’s’ answer (in the context of a self-published book not having already sold well):
“But if you self-publish through Amazon and then try to market the same book to a traditional publisher, your book is a known quantity.â€
To me, the statement makes no sense because the book is, almost by definition, NOT a “known quantityâ€. If few people have bought it (usually due to lack of marketing), then how on earth is it a “known quantityâ€? (I will grant, however, that the statement is true only in the cases of self-published books that were only moderately successful. Because it means that the author obviously invested effective marketing into it but the poor/mediocre nature of the book did not allow it to truly take off.)
So, in sum, my point is that the purpose of a traditional publisher, as I understand it, is to provide the marketing skills and resources that many authors simply do not have the means to provide for their books. But if such an author does make an attempt at self-publishing (despite little or no marketing resources) in the hope of being lucky, does that very attempt automatically rule out any chance of the author securing a deal with a traditional publisher no matter much they may like the book?
ETA: Just to clarify what the question is, since some people clearly have trouble reading and are saying things that are utterly irrelevant to the question: the question, quite simply, is does the act of clicking 'publish' for the ebook version of a novel make it impossible for a publishing house to publish a book that they have received from a literary agent and would like to publish? If so, why? Please note that the question is not about sales. It is more about the technicalities regarding copyright or 'first publication rights'. It would still apply even if the book was only e-published by the author just the previous day and hasn't had time to make any sales. Does the very act of clicking 'publish' technically create a problem? If so, why?
I'm sorry I had to be repetitive, but there really does tend to be a problem with reading comprehension that people have with regards to issues like this.
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: Re: What's a good replacement for the phrase "best practice"? In technical writing the phrase "best practice" is often used to suggest that something is more accurate than other things. However, that's
This might seem a little too simple a solution, but I tend to use the phrase 'Good Practice' in lieu of 'Best Practice' when I write technical documentation. Sometimes I even use 'Better Practice'.
Best Practice as a term is subjective primarily because it seeks to be objective; by that I mean that it implies that the writer knows all there is about all the possible combinations and permutations of a given process and knows what 'best' is. The subjectivity comes in however due to the fact that 'best' is a very imprecise term in that it depends on what your objectives are in order for something to be crowned as 'best'.
If you seek to reduce your costs, not providing services to the country where the infrastructure costs more to set up and maintain for a smaller set of the population might be 'best practice'. On the other hand, if you seek to be an inclusive service provider, best practice would be the exact opposite. Most people instinctively know this even if they can't articulate it.
Good practice, on the other hand, doesn't imply a definitive knowledge of the domain and is clearly a subjective term meaning that everyone knows what to expect when you say that. Also, because it is subjective, the use of the term is designed to force the writer to define the context along the way. The same can be said for Better Practice, which is a comparative term;
Good practice would be to ensure that you put the widgets together in advance to save time at point of sale in a custom assembly environment, unless you seek to impress your customers with how customiseable your product is in which case better practice would be to have the components all in easy reach at point of sale, laid out in an order which reflects the usual method of assembly.
A strong part of my thinking in using these terms is understanding that consultants are no longer hired (if they ever were) to solve problems that are already known and understood. People actually want someone who can design a bespoke process that reflects the specific problems that their business faces and as such, terms like 'Best Practice' are frowned upon because it implies that your business and its problems are the same as everyone else and that the business owner could have done a google search and saved themselves a lot of money. Even if that is the case, people don't like hearing that.
So, good practice implies a bespoke solution to your specific needs, and better practice implies incremental improvement in your practices. Of course, this advice only works if you seek to demonstrate and articulate your understanding of the business you're speaking to and it's 'unique' complex problems.
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