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Topic : Is the following "...noun, adjective..." structure allowed in fiction? Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined - selfpublishingguru.com

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Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily
in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined as if drawn
with a compass.

Or should I write this instead?

Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily
in the sky. Heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined as if drawn
with a compass.


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I prefer your first -

A cloud drifted lazily in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined as if drawn with a compass.

As a personal preference, I'd remove adverbs where unnecessary -

A lazy cloud drifted in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawless as if drawn with a compass.


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Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined as if drawn with a compass.

I continued lying on my back, exhausted; a heart-shaped cloud, its curves flawless as though drawn with a compass, drifted lazily across my vision.

It is obvious clouds are in the sky. I think your version is clumsy and does not flow.

Philip Clayton


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The first one is correct, because it's a two-word clause modifying cloud. The second one would need some kind of verb in the last sentence, and the modifier is perilously close to dangling regardless.

(Separately, isn't a compass a tool for scribing circles? Not sure how you'd create a heart shape that way.)


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