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Topic : Re: Is the following "...noun, adjective..." structure allowed in fiction? Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined - selfpublishingguru.com

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Exhausted, I continued lying on my back. A cloud drifted lazily in the sky, heart-shaped, its curves flawlessly outlined as if drawn with a compass.

I continued lying on my back, exhausted; a heart-shaped cloud, its curves flawless as though drawn with a compass, drifted lazily across my vision.

It is obvious clouds are in the sky. I think your version is clumsy and does not flow.

Philip Clayton


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