: How can clarity and flow of long sentences be improved? Sometimes it seems desirable to pack a lot of interrelated information into a single sentence, but such sentences can lack clarity or

Sometimes it seems desirable to pack a lot of interrelated information into a single sentence, but such sentences can lack clarity or seem tiring.

For example, the following sentence seems to leave no space for breath:

John said it was constructed in 1664 during the Dutch occupation in Taiwan by an admiral that had decided to settle in the island.

How can one structure such sentences for greater readability while maintaining the relationships of the parts and avoiding choppy writing?

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@Heady158

I will second CLockeWork's comment. I will also add that while parentheses work, I think commas are more readable.

John said it was constructed in 1664, during the Dutch occupation in
Taiwan, by an admiral that had decided to settle in the island.

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@Samaraweera193

Others may disagree, but I'm a big fan of parentheses. In this case, the Dutch occupation is a side note to give some context to 1664. It could be omitted without changing the real meaning of the sentence.

John said it was constructed in 1664 (during the Dutch occupation in Taiwan) by an admiral who had decided to settle in the island.

Please note, I would also use who, rather than that. The admiral is a person.

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@Angie602

John said it was during the Dutch occupation in 1664, in Taiwan, that an admiral who had decided to settle in the island, constructed it.

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: How can clarity and flow of long sentences be improved? Sometimes it seems desirable to pack a lot of interrelated information into a single sentence, but such sentences can lack clarity or

More posts by @Candy753

: Alternating names Example: The cat was lying on a cat bed, barely visible under the blankets, an IV wrapped around one of her front legs. Judging by the triangular shape of her head,

: Is it OK to add chapters to slow down the pace of the story? Example: I'm writing a story where the protagonist is searching for some information. She searches for it at her university, and

: How to write a "strong" passage? By strong I mean causing some reaction on the reader (not necessarily goosebumps, maybe just a small wow). I'm having this problem right now. Example (the bolded

: How to decide the position of short phrases? Example: As agreed, we met at Shangai Train Station the next morning. Even though it was just seven, the place was terribly crowded; people were running

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