: Re: Does my first paragraph grab your attention? I'm working on a new M/M romance novel about a guy who's trying out nudism and an experience nudist. Does my opening paragraph succeed in drawing

@Dunderdale623

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I think this is solid in concept but flawed in execution. I can't help but wonder if you started out with something else about the dream where you suddenly realise you're naked and how it doesn't help if everyone else is too but thought that was too cheesy.

The problem with the whole "audience" thing is that I am presuming that your main guy is, at the outset, about to enter the nudist colony nude for the first time. Although I get the emotional beat of him feeling like the other nudists are an "audience" who will be assembled to criticise his body I don't think it's appropriate to compare the expected nudist audience with a literal audience sat in chairs and observing so directly. At least not all jumbled up in one paragraph.

I don't think it's a show stopper but I'd be tempted to simplify and pick apart this emotional experience of going somewhere you'd expect to be clothed without your clothes on. This is the age of the interwebs, surely you could hunt down a "nudist blog" that begins with someone describing their own first time sans apparel to get your head in that mode.

Having said that I can't think of a better place to start a story like this than in the "Undressing Room" before the first foray into the world of nudism. It's just I feel you don't have to put so many concepts in one place. It will work better if its simpler IMO.

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