: Re: How to write a "strong" passage? By strong I mean causing some reaction on the reader (not necessarily goosebumps, maybe just a small wow). I'm having this problem right now. Example (the bolded

@Mendez196

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In general, for a passage create an emotional reaction, the reader has to be able to relate to it. First, determine the point you want to make. Next, make your point in a way your intended audience can relate to. Using metaphors helps, as does using visceral language that really drives home your message.

For example, first determine if the point you want to make is that a) nature produces truly flawed creatures who thrive anyway, b) creatures' perceived 'flaws' are not really flaws at all but essential to their continued existence, or c) something else entirely. Once you determine that, drive your point home with an interesting example, analogy, or metaphor. I like your existing passage in bold as-is, because in my mind I picture those cuddly little creates going about their merry way doing what they do, and being completely oblivious to the significance of their actions. But keep in mind, other readers may not be as familiar with squirrels or may not get the same mental image. There's only one way to be sure the reader gets the message you're striving for and that's to give it to them. You could expand your passage by choosing to describe in detail the effort needed to acquire and preserve a nut, only to have it not matter in the end. Or you could describe how us humans benefit from the actions of these unknowing creatures. Bottom line, it really depends on what you want to say and saying it in a way your audience can relate to.

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