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Topic : Does this sentence excessively break the fourth wall? I am currently writing a scene for my novel. In this scene I will be revealing the primary villain for the entire first book. The villain, - selfpublishingguru.com

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I am currently writing a scene for my novel. In this scene I will be revealing the primary villain for the entire first book. The villain, named Annihilus, has the power over the domain of life; he has warped this power into the control and manipulation of flesh.He can literally kill you with the flick of a finger or turn your organs into snakes. I wanted to show the sheer depth of his power by having him kill one of his followers, which had previously failed him in killing a main character. I wrote that he 'curled a single finger, and the man's arms began to twist and break. Then the finger curled more, and his back broke with a sickening series of cracks. Still, despite the screams and horrifying sounds echoing from the mans mouth, the God persisted, until he had created a fist, tightened by rage. The man became nothing more than a sphere of blood, smaller than the period at the end of this sentence.'

What do you guys think? Is that last bit too much? Do you think that it will take the reader from the story? Does it break the immersion?

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I think the "smaller than the period at the end of this sentence" breaks the formal tone of the sentence. The beginning of it is so grasping and makes me want to dive deeper but I feel like using that may be a bit too young for the overall feel. Maybe try and compare it to something else other than the period like a pebble, a button, a coin, something that would be present in the book and in real life so it doesn't break the fourth wall, it is consistent to the story and it keeps and overall formal tone. This book sounds like it's going to be so riveting and intriguing. Hopefully one day I will get to read it.

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