: Re: How to avoid repetitive sentence structure? I've realized that I always start sentences with (name of character), he, she, it, they, her, his, the, after (a moment/that), and then. I wonder

Particularly in action scenes, it can be tough to weed out which sentences need to start with the MC's name or pronoun. If the sentence has a modifying phrase, it may be worthwhile to place the phrase in the front of the sentence. I also avoid starting sentences with verbs. This is a technique that can introduce a dynamic feel, but when used too often or incorrectly, logic can suffer.
Introspection is needed, but I would try to separate it a little more from the action. Start the paragraph with the action, then use the inner dialogue.

Where was everyone? A safe place? Maybe everyone knew about this and she was the one that didn't.
She stared at her hands and her mind began to wander. If there were certain things in this world that had actually belonged to her, she certainly would have known about them. Although material possessions seemed a rare luxury, everything she clung to seemed to turn to dust. Boys had possessed her, but they had never been hers. Her friends, on the other hand, simply accompanied on her journey.
Adele sat down and looked at the moon. Here she was abandoned in the world, as if waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.

I think this revision Adds some strength and urgency to your message.

Load Full (0)

: The extent of obscure references How far is too far? If I am aiming for considerable accessibility, and, in my story, I mention Salvador Dali whose name is tier-2, not on the level of Picasso

@Speyer920

Load Full 2 Comments

: What are common academic categories of a storyâ€™s relationship to an audience? Iâ€™m trying to understand the concept of an audience. I feel like exposure to modern stories has given me a vague

@Speyer920

Load Full 1 Comments

: How can I implement more show less tell in my writing? I wrote this piece, but have had quite a lot of problems with showing, not telling. I am wondering how I can add More SHOW and less

@Speyer920

Load Full 2 Comments

: Can I publish excerpts from a letter without permission? It will be my pleasure to cite the author of the letter. I'm looking at perhaps ten sentences out of a four page letter. I have the

: Re: How to avoid repetitive sentence structure? I've realized that I always start sentences with (name of character), he, she, it, they, her, his, the, after (a moment/that), and then. I wonder

More posts by @Speyer920

: The extent of obscure references How far is too far? If I am aiming for considerable accessibility, and, in my story, I mention Salvador Dali whose name is tier-2, not on the level of Picasso

: What are common academic categories of a storyâ€™s relationship to an audience? Iâ€™m trying to understand the concept of an audience. I feel like exposure to modern stories has given me a vague

: How can I implement more show less tell in my writing? I wrote this piece, but have had quite a lot of problems with showing, not telling. I am wondering how I can add More SHOW and less

: Can I publish excerpts from a letter without permission? It will be my pleasure to cite the author of the letter. I'm looking at perhaps ten sentences out of a four page letter. I have the

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top