: How to avoid repetitive sentence structure? I've realized that I always start sentences with (name of character), he, she, it, they, her, his, the, after (a moment/that), and then. I wonder
I've realized that I always start sentences with (name of character), he, she, it, they, her, his, the, after (a moment/that), and then.
I wonder if there's any useful exercise or tip to reduce this?
A sample of my writing:
Adele wondered where was everyone. It occurred to her that
maybe they were in a safe place now. Maybe everyone knew about this,
and I was the only one who didn’t, she thought. She stared at her
hands, and thought about the things that had actually belonged to her
in this world. She realized that nothing really had. All the material
things she’d ever owned had turned into dust. Boys had possessed her,
but they’d never been hers. Her friends had just been people who had
accompanied her throughout her life. Adele sat down, and looked back
to the moon. She’d been left alone in the world, waiting for the moon
to fall from the sky.
0 Reactions React
5 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
@Twilah982
Try gong deeper in the pov:
1rst person:
Where was everyone? Had they all gone to a safe place that nobody told me about? I stared at my hands. Did anything in this world really belong to me? No, nothing did everything had turned to dust. Boyfriends and friends they possessed and accompanied me but nothing substantial. I sat down, and looked back at the moon, left alone, waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.
Third person close:
Where was everyone? Had they all gone to a safe place that nobody told me about? Adele stared at her hands. Did anything in this world really belong to me? No, nothing did everything had turned to dust. Boyfriends and friends they possessed and accompanied her but nothing substantial. She sat down, and looked back at the moon, left alone, waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.
Please do this in your own style this is just an example to try and help. It takes time study sentence structure and flow both can help keep a writer mindful of staying away from anything that makes the words choppy. Your writing is beautiful.
0 Reactions React
@Speyer920
Particularly in action scenes, it can be tough to weed out which sentences need to start with the MC's name or pronoun. If the sentence has a modifying phrase, it may be worthwhile to place the phrase in the front of the sentence. I also avoid starting sentences with verbs. This is a technique that can introduce a dynamic feel, but when used too often or incorrectly, logic can suffer.
Introspection is needed, but I would try to separate it a little more from the action. Start the paragraph with the action, then use the inner dialogue.
Where was everyone? A safe place? Maybe everyone knew about this and she was the one that didn't.
She stared at her hands and her mind began to wander. If there were certain things in this world that had actually belonged to her, she certainly would have known about them. Although material possessions seemed a rare luxury, everything she clung to seemed to turn to dust. Boys had possessed her, but they had never been hers. Her friends, on the other hand, simply accompanied on her journey.
Adele sat down and looked at the moon. Here she was abandoned in the world, as if waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.
I think this revision Adds some strength and urgency to your message.
0 Reactions React
@Deb2945533
Check out the book The Art of Styling Sentences. It's a bit formulaic way of forming dynamic sentences where they show you twenty sentence patterns and where and how to use them. To quote from the book description:
The authors review the fundamentals of good sentence structure and then go on to describe twenty basic sentence patterns that encompass virtually every effective way of writing sentences in English. They also draw on passages by current prominent writers, using these examples to show how varying rhythm and sentence patterns can result in elegant writing styles that keep their readers interested.
Also, there's another technique, I can't find it online right now, but it more or less goes like this: you make all your sentences simple sentences, like:
Adele wondered where was everyone. It occurred to her. Maybe they were in a safe place now. Maybe everyone knew about this. I was the only one who didn’t, she thought. She stared at her hands. She thought about the things that had actually belonged to her in this world.
Then see how you can combine them in different ways. For example:
Adele wondered where was everyone, and then it occurred to her. Maybe they were in a safe place now.
Adele wondered where was everyone. It occurred to her - maybe they were in a safe place now.
Adele wondered where was everyone, but it occurred to her that perhaps they were in a safe place now.
She stared at her hands, while thinking about the things that had actually belonged to her in this world.
Staring at her hands, she thought about the things that had actually belonged to her in this world.
She thought about the things that had actually belonged to her in this world as she stared at her hands.
She stared at her hands as she thought about the things that had actually belonged to her in this world.
And so on. Then you just vary the way you combine them - you use first example for one sentence, third for the next, second for the one after that... It's not the most brilliant example, but I hope you get the point.
One more thing: to get the whole text to feel dynamic, vary your sentence length. All short sentences in a paragraph imply fast action. Fight. Flight. Action. More action. Speed. All long sentences imply slow action, long, boring, slow action or can also serve to give the feeling of light-headedness or tiredness of the point of view character, on the count that the reader himself feels tired after reading such a long sentence. But by varying the short and long sentences, you get a general feel of dynamic - fast, slow, fast, slow, fast, fast, slow...
0 Reactions React
@Speyer920
I love Dale's revision. What I also find useful and can help move the scene along is to start the sentence with the verb - it lends a feel of action:
... Sitting down, looking back at the moon, she now knew that she’d been left alone in the world, waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.
0 Reactions React
@Murray831
Even though you notice the problem in the first words (in the subjects of the sentences), I think the problem is elsewhere: Each of the first five sentences has a verb that reminds that we're in Adele's head. But we already know we're in Adele's head, so these reminders are unnecessary, and they weaken the sentences.
Consider this edit, which removes all five reminders:
Adele wondered where was everyone. Maybe they were in a safe place now. Maybe everyone knew about this, and she was the only one who didn’t. She stared at her hands. What had actually belonged to her in this world? Nothing really had. All the material things she’d ever owned had turned into dust. Boys had possessed her, but they’d never been hers. Her friends had just been people who had accompanied her throughout her life. Adele sat down, and looked back to the moon. She’d been left alone in the world, waiting for the moon to fall from the sky.
I think this is an improvement, though it is perhaps too relentlessly staccato now.
If you want to explore the dangers and delights of sentence structures, try this exercise.
Pick a scene you've already written, about 500 words long.
Rewrite the entire scene using sentences no longer than 10 words. If this is too easy, try sentences no longer than 7 words.
Rewrite the original scene using sentences no shorter than 25 words (or 35 if 25 is too easy).
Read each version aloud.
Make notes about:
the effects of sentence length
what different sentence structures you used
the effects of different sentence structures
the rhythms created by different lengths and structures
which effects you liked and which you disliked
anything else you notice
Rewrite the original scene, using everything you've learned about the effects sentence length.
0 Reactions React
Terms of Use Powered by ePowerPress Stock Market News!
© selfpublishingguru.com2024 All Rights reserved.