: Re: Should dull dialogue be removed completely? The following dialogue is from a novel I'm writing (first draft): "You're quiet tonight," Erin said to Benjamin, who seemed to be lost in thoughts.

@Lee1909368

Don't cut it if you can make it better. You are wasting some conflicts here and your inputs to the scenes are a bit simplistic. In the first example you have him tired and her sympathetic. Both of those are quite weak. We've all been there and said the same things so you're telling us nothing about the characters. Tiny tweaks to those inputs could inspire better dialogue. You just need an extra dimension to each state of mind.

In the first example you could have her masking anger at his lack of energy. Maybe she wants some intimacy (verbal or physical) and he's 'too tired'... again! Have her openly angry at whoever is doing this to her man. But have us wonder who is she more angry with. Have him know exactly what solution she's going to propose, and cut her off beforehand. What does that say about his forward-thinking about their relationship? In short, she's sympathetic and frustrated, he's tired and defensive.

In the second example, she's jealous, and he's not really responding. What extra element could make this scene not quite so 'on the nose'? About her, maybe she hates jealous people so overcompensates. Or you could try blending in some other feelings almost at random, e.g. trust, boredom, regrets, loneliness. How would they change her dialogue? About him, is he hyper-alert to her jealousy or completely oblivious? How does he feel about jealousy and trust. Set up some questions for the reader.

If you have fun with these, you might find at the very end, her reaction to being 'different' may be much more complex.

Load Full (0)

: Recommendations for reputable writing critique site for non-native English speaker? I am non-native English speaker, living in US for 25 years. I have a long professional career, and, therefore,

@Lee1909368

Load Full 3 Comments

: The rule of writing states "Don't break the fourth wall". That means don't remind the reader they are the reader, they read a book, the characters are in a book. Immersion is a volatile

@Lee1909368

Load Full 0 Comments

: How do you describe the sound of someone being dragged across the floor? So I'm writing this story and got stuck on the part where two of my main characters arrived at this house and they

@Lee1909368

Load Full 2 Comments

: Based on where I put a comma in a long sentence, can it confuse the readers from the way its supposed to be read? One bad habit I have when writing sentences is that I make them too long

: Re: Should dull dialogue be removed completely? The following dialogue is from a novel I'm writing (first draft): "You're quiet tonight," Erin said to Benjamin, who seemed to be lost in thoughts.

More posts by @Lee1909368

: Recommendations for reputable writing critique site for non-native English speaker? I am non-native English speaker, living in US for 25 years. I have a long professional career, and, therefore,

: The rule of writing states "Don't break the fourth wall". That means don't remind the reader they are the reader, they read a book, the characters are in a book. Immersion is a volatile

: How do you describe the sound of someone being dragged across the floor? So I'm writing this story and got stuck on the part where two of my main characters arrived at this house and they

: Based on where I put a comma in a long sentence, can it confuse the readers from the way its supposed to be read? One bad habit I have when writing sentences is that I make them too long

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top