: How to make a character that doesn't speak about himself relatable? I have a character in my novel, De-Shi, who's the mentor and love interest of the protagonist, Li-Mei (nicknamed Hanging Pup).

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I agree with what some of the others are saying. The hardest part of writing (for many people) is making side characters who are just as interesting, round, and believable as the main character. Readers aren't as likely to be in the side character's head, so they aren't privy to the constant inner monologue that must be happening there as much as in anyone else's.

In this case, I think the best way to remedy the situation is through the age old adage "Show, don't tell." De-Shi's actions should speak for him, as well as the things other characters say about him, the way they react to him/his presence/mentions of him, and the things Li-Mei thinks and feels.

As Chris said above, you might want to write something from De-Shi's perspective to get a feel for what's going on in his head. It can be really eye opening. Does he have any habits -- smoking, nervous ticks like hand gestures, does he wear something specific that might seem odd to others (even something small and hidden, like a necklace or a pin). What does he do for fun/to relax and unwind? Where does he like to go? These are things you may already know. If so, find other things you don't already know about him and write about those. Or anything else that will help you understand your character better. And of course, this is just for you, so don't worry about including it in your main story. No one will judge what you've written, and you can rewrite and explore to your heart's desire. You may even discover new facets to his personality that you never noticed before (this happens to me all the time!).

Once you understand De-Shi better, it will start to bleed over into your writing and the readers will also start to understand him better. He'll feel like a real person to them and to you. Flat characters tend to trigger unease in readers because they subconsciously know something isn't quite right, but not being able to put their fingers on it puts them off. Filling in his character for you and the readers should remedy this a bit. Your readers obviously want to know more about him or they wouldn't have brought it up. :)

As a side note, your writing overall flows really well! Good luck on your novel!

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The problem I see with De Shi is that he doesn't have a "background" in the story on which to base his responses. Or for others to base their reactions toward him. You don't need a lot of background for him, but it has to be more than zero.

The best idea would be to have him disclose a small window into his past. The second best would be to have another character "narrate his past.

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I think you're misreading your feedback. The problem isn't De-Shi not talking about himself, it's that he doesn't come off as a fully realized character, but rather as a plot device. He's just there to serve a function in Li-Mei's story.

You might try spending some time writing De-Shi's own story from his perspective --not to go in the finished book, but just for your own purposes. Once you know more about him and his motivations, you may be able to write him more believably, even if he's still mysterious and not inclined to talk about himself.

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If you're insistent upon keeping his past and emotions a secret early on, one option might be to have the environment around De-Shi fill that void. Let the people around him give the reader clues as to his other side or true nature (depending on whether De-Shi always was like he is). This is of course assuming either exists, and if not there is little that can be done to relate a robot to anyone.

As the reader you quoted said, De-Shi comes off a little too stiff, even from just those two passages you provided. More details, maybe not even personal, might help. Sure, there are some people out there who really are as limited emotionally and fixated upon facts, but they tend to not have romantic relationships, at least not one solid enough for a book. Therefore, I'm going to assume there's much more to this character, and this side is what you have to hint at in the way his friends/family/acquaintances behave around him, what they say about him, what he does when no one is looking, the little things Li-Mei notices when he lets his guard down etc.

You might be able to take advantage of facial expressions, various cues or just a break every now and then from the thesis quoting. Of course, I don't think I know enough to say whether any of that is appropriate, so just take the suggestions under consideration.

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