after a rewrite, to give me specific examples of how

Several blogs demonstrate before/after (or at least detailed line-edits on early drafts).

Evil Editor often does it for query letters.
Edittorrent covers all sorts of topics, and the archives have lots of before/after examples.
Miss Snark no longer blogs, but her archives have many good examples.

One of my favorite writing books, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, shows before/after examples.

I find before/after examples most useful on small examples, sentences, paragraphs, maybe a page or two. Beyond that, it's too hard to see the correlation.

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