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This is an essay I excerpted from a writing course material.I need to omit uncessary words which make the essay wordy and longer than they should be..
The following is the original passage.
Every single time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always
really unhappy and miserable. Due to my complete lack of confidence as
well as my total inability to express ideas of mine on paper, I
believed that I had to work almost twice as hard as any other student
in this world. This included spending hours and hours looking at a
blank page and spending more hours editing essays of mine, just to
make sure I had really appropriate content, organization, and grammar.
Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would
not do so very well at the university. When I entered the class
offered by College Writing, everything changed in a positive way due
to the fact that my writing skills increased throughout the semester.
In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first
couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my
will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of.
I learned that if I could relate any topic of any essay with my
personal experience, I believed that these essays were truly good, and
would submit it to my instructor.
The following is the passage in which I omit words I think I don't need.
Every (single) time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always
(really) (unhappy and) miserable. Due to my complete lack of
confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas of mine on
paper, (I believed that )I had to work almost twice as hard as any
other student in this world. This included spending hours and hours
looking at a blank page and spending more hours editing essays of
mine, just to make sure I had really appropriate content,
organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I
was concerned that I would not do (so very) well at the
university. When I entered the class offered by College Writing,
everything changed in a positive way due to the fact that my writing
skills increased throughout the semester.
In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first
couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my
will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of.
I learned that if I could relate any topic of any essay with my
personal experience, (I believed that) these essays were truly
good, and would submit it to my instructor.
What can I do more so as to make it sound succinct
(2)More posts by @Samaraweera193
2 Comments
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Tips for streamlining:
Use the simplest tense
Remove repetition
Remove unnecessary adjectives
Every time I (had to do - not the simplest tense) did a writing
assignment, I was (always - repetition of 'every time') miserable. Due
to my (complete - unnecessary adjective) lack of confidence as well as
my (total - adjective) inability to express ideas (of mine) on paper,
I had to work (almost) twice as hard as any other student (in this
world). This included spending hours (and hours - repetition) looking
at a blank page and (spending - repetition) more hours editing essays
(of mine), just to make sure I had (really) appropriate content,
organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I
was concerned that I would not do well at the university. When I
entered the class offered by College Writing, everything changed (in a
positive way) due to the fact that my writing skills increased
throughout the semester.
In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first
couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my
will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of.
I learned that if I could relate any topic (of any essay with) my
personal experience, these essays were truly good(, and would submit
it to my instructor).
Hope that helps and isn't overdone now!
Well done on the first pass. There are a few other places where words can be omitted. If the option to add words (and punctuation) or otherwise restructure sentences is on the table, even more words can be omitted. However, since you didn't state that as an option, I present the following, further streamlined version:
Every time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always miserable. Due to
my complete lack of confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas (of mine) on paper, I had to work (almost) twice as hard as any other
student (in this world). This included spending hours (and hours)
looking at a blank page and (spending) more hours editing (essays of
mine), just to make sure I had (really) appropriate content,
organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I
was concerned that I would not do (so very) well at the university.
When I entered (the class offered by) College Writing, everything
changed in a positive way due to the fact that my writing skills
increased throughout the semester.
In the beginning (of the semester), I had a lot of trouble with my
(first couple of) essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my
will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was (quite) proud of.
I learned that if I could relate any topic (of any essay) with my
personal experience, these essays were truly good (, and would submit it to my instructor).
Most of what I've omitted is clear from the context of this essay. For example, there's no need to keep mentioning essays.
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