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Topic : Re: Writing scenes that involve two languages (I realize there have been similar questions before, such as this and this, but the answers to those unfortunately did not help much with my specific - selfpublishingguru.com

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You're 95% of the way there; you have good instincts for what's readable.
• For your first example, I'd try to put as much of the logistics of translation into narration as I could manage. After a bit, the reader will understand that Sally is acting as the intermediate.

"I feel like I've seen you before," said Shintaro.
"What did he say?" asked Bob. Sally translated. Bob rested his chin on his hand. "Well, I did go on that trip to Tokyo last year."
"I was living in Tokyo last year," Shintaro said after she explained. "Maybe that's when I saw you."
"Where was he in Tokyo?" Bob asked Sally. Shintaro hedged, but eventually told Sally the name of the neighborhood.
"But I had a good reason for being there."
"Of course you did," Bob agreed.

• Your second example is perfect. Sally is established as translator, but you don't need to have tons of repeated dialogue.
• For your third example, use the first version, where you actually use the Japanese because you want the reader to understand that Bob is speaking a new language. What the words mean isn't the point of that passage; it's that he's learning the Japanese words.


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