: Habitual use of -ing follows -ed -- is this wrong? I have recently noticed that I consistently follow an -ed clause with further action or elaboration using -ing. I feel like something is wrong

I have recently noticed that I consistently follow an -ed clause with further action or elaboration using -ing. I feel like something is wrong here, even though it sounds and reads well enough to me. I'm relatively self-taught where writing is concerned and so I struggle a bit with the jargon, so bear with me if I have to ask for clarification.

Here's a snip; any feedback you have would be great:

The insinuation had the desired effect. Erim's fingers relaxed, showing a golden glint of sweat that had collected in his palms. The deep valleys and crevices of his worn fury relaxed into dry rivers along the landscape of his weathered face, his grim mask slowly melting into a look of consideration.

I see just glancing at it that I could just as easily change it to "and" without changing the meaning, but it doesn't feel any more or less acceptable.

Is this just a question of style?

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@Holmes449

This structure isn't bad itself, the problem may appear if you overuse it. Remember that diversity is key if you want to keep your reader's attention and give your text a pleasant rythm.

I once read a fiction in which the overuse of this scheme was so extrem that it was painful to read. Because you are essentially stopping the action to look at the consequences. I'd say you should avoid using this structure twice in a row, as it slows down the pace.

So no, it's not inherently bad to use this construction. You have to be aware of the effect it produces and use it accordingly.

Ask for feedback from honest third party and see what they think about your text. Put it aside for a few months and then read it again. See if your text needs some rewriting or not.

You could also do some research by reading works from several different authors, professionals and amateur.

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: Habitual use of -ing follows -ed -- is this wrong? I have recently noticed that I consistently follow an -ed clause with further action or elaboration using -ing. I feel like something is wrong

More posts by @Dunderdale623

: Footnotes and citations in fiction (and, in particular, children's fiction) are extremely rare, and I recommend against using them. It's often said that ideas are common; it's how they're used

: The Subplot: What to do when it is only loosely tied to the main plot? The Background: I'm writing a novel that is set in the working quarters of a cruise ship. It's named after the "stage

: How to write ages and dates in a newspaper article inside a work of fiction I'm trying to write a newspaper article inside my work of fiction. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to write ages

: How do you cite a book classified under two editions? In a works cited page in MLA format, when citing a book part of the citation is, for example, Stewart, James. Calculus: Early Transcendentals.

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