: Re: Very long sentences: personal style or just bad writing? I'm writing a story targeted towards children in which the protagonist is a young girl. I find that in writing her dialog and the narrative,

@Frith254

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A bit long for me, but there is nothing wrong with your sentence structure. Indeed, when it comes to clearing confusion, children are way ahead of adults.

Logic dictates: you cannot (in reading) be confused between a period and a comma, if you've no idea which is correct.

In many ways good children's writing is more convoluted than adult's because it is more dependent on voice.

"Mr Henry Blackwell lay atop the duvet his double bed, reading out loud, his back propped against the wooden headboard. He paused, raising his hand to cover his mouth as he yawned a mighty yawn."

By attempting to break this up into small, single action sentences, you lose its rhythm, but worse - you likely abuse the verb 'to be'

"Mr Henry Blackwell lay on top of the duvet on his double bed. He was reading out loud. His back was propped against the wooden headboard. He paused to raise his hand to cover his mouth. He yawned a mighty yawn."

I wrote both examples - the second is awful.

I would also like to add: dumbing things down so they are easier to read has no benefit for the education of children.

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