: Re: How to avoid constantly starting paragraphs with "The character did this" "The character did that"? This is one of the tics I've noticed in my writing recently, and it's starting to bug me.

@Michele605

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I would offer that repetition of wording is less important than making sure every word pushes the story forward. It's not that the words are repetitive, it's that they're not doing anything for the story. The words as you have them exist as instructional text to the reader about how to read a conversation between two people. People know how to do this instinctively. So, let it go. Let this be where the story comes alive.

First define the characters as having emotions and a particular individual presence.
Let's make the mayor a total creep and Electron absolutely uncomfortable.

Have them interact physically, change their expressions. Importantly, use props to drive the story forward.

Then rewrite to impart those attributes without changing anything that was spoken:

Electron nervously offered, "I'll come visit you every now and again, if
I'm not too busy."

The smile on Colin's face distorted. As if he wanted everyone else to
hear, Colin used his pubic speaking voice. "I'm sure the other patients will
appreciate that as well." The smile vanished and he whispered, "You
been to the children's ward yet?"

Disgusted, having heard the rumors, Electron didn't want to answer. "Not yet, I think I'll leave that for
last. The kids won't want me to go, you know?"

Colin put his hand on Electron's shoulder and squeezed. "You're a good man, Electron, I think we're
gonna get along just fine. It's a pleasure to have you in my city."

Electron stared at the exit sign above the door. "It's a pleasure to
be here," he said.

With just a bit of wording, Electron becomes a protagonist and Colin a threat. In the last line, a prop is used as a story device. Electron doesn't just return a smile, he's forced to lie, wanting more than anything else to just leave, despite saying it's a pleasure to be here.

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