: Re: Is my essay on group learning clear and well-organized? I'm looking for all-around advice on this essay (I'm a foreign student, and learning English), but primarily, I wanted to ask is whether

@Welton431

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Your first sentence is great, it grabs the reader. Sadly, it has almost nothing to do with the rest of the essay, which therefore becomes kind of a let-down.

In handling such an abstract concept, you need to concretize it. Think of how it would be done in a magazine: "Bob Smith, a freshman at a well-known Ivy League school, had troubles studying on his own..." Use real-life examples and vivid description to make your point (if you try relying on just being right, you'd be dry as dust).

Beware of falsely specific phases like "irreplaceable" and "highly dependent". They don't mean much and they're a major cause of what reporters call MEGO: My Eyes Glazed Over.

Finally, shorten it. Ruthless weed every paragraph of unneeded sentences and every sentence of unneeded words. Almost anything anyone writes can be improved by being trimmed and this particular example is no exception.

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