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Topic : How do I show dust/ ashes being blown away by the wind in a story? I don't want to straight up say that the dust/ ash was blown away, I want it to have a creepy vibe to it so it's more - selfpublishingguru.com

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I don't want to straight up say that the dust/ ash was blown away, I want it to have a creepy vibe to it so it's more interesting.

So is there any way to show (not tell) ashes being blown away by the wind besides "the ashes were blown away"?


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You could use the word "flurry":

flur·ry
/ˈflərē/
noun: flurry;
plural noun: flurries

a small swirling mass of something, especially snow or leaves, moved by sudden gusts of wind. "a flurry of snow"

synonyms: swirl, whirl, eddy, billow, shower, gust, "snow flurries"
verb
verb: flurry; 3rd person present: flurries; past tense: flurried; past
participle: flurried; gerund or present participle: flurrying

(especially of snow or leaves) be moved in small swirling masses by sudden gusts of wind. "gusts of snow flurried through the door"

It's a word that, to me at least, projects innocence and nostalgia, so when used to describe ashes, might evoke the discomfort and creepiness you seek.


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You can place the experience (almost) entirely inside the PoV character. On the fly example of what I mean:

The flecks blew past, impaling her, like the attack of 1000 rabid dogs, pulling her into their raving insanity. She fell into it - into the place she'd ...


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The two words "dust" and "ashes" next to each other lead me to think of funeral remains.

If there's a particular significance to these dust and ashes, there could be a metaphor based on their absence or on fading memory (perhaps with the wind as the passing of time) that might do what you're hoping.

Alternatively, if the wind isn't significant or apparent, you could achieve "creepy" by having them appear to move away under their own power.


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