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Topic : Re: How to write a sentence with expression, tone, emphasis, and more in the same line That might not be the correct way of writing the title. I just find it really confusing on how to write - selfpublishingguru.com

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You've provided very little information, so I will approach this like a cooking reality show. You've given me three ingredients/words to use: coughing, trembling, and crying. So let's make something out of them.

If I'm correct in interpreting your question, you simply want to dress up your sentences, so they convey mood, action and perhaps some emotion. In essence, you want your sentences to do more than just say what is happening, you want to show-make us feel what is happening which is what good writing is supposed to do in the first place...so this does require some practice.

Using your example of a man sitting in a cell and the (3) words you've provided, you can easily construct complex sentences that does some heavy literary lifting.

Before we dive in, you'll want to keep three things in mind:

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There is no "limit" (within reason) to how long your sentences have to be, but only use the necessary amount of words to say what you need
to convey or else you'll fall into bad purple prose territory.
Use punctuation to your advantage as it can control pacing and flow
Watch your sentence structure, one misplaced pronoun, adjective or comma and you've written gibberish.

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WORD SOUP SAMPLE 1:Introduce some danger

He was trembling uncontrollably, too much to cry, and he stifled his
coughs with his fists so he wouldn't wake his roommate whose eyes were as hard and cold as the walls surrounding him.

In this example, after I used the words you provided, I added an element of danger, a real threat in a place like a jail cell. I don't know what your character's situation looks like, but consider using his surroundings to remind us that he's in a bad situation that can turn worse at any moment.

I've also peppered in a simile:

...his roommate whose eyes were as hard and cold as the walls surrounding him...

Similes can be powerful tools when trying to help your reader visualize a scene.

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WORD SOUP SAMPLE 2: Play with Punctuation

The tears finally stopped coming, but now, he couldn't stop trembling
as he coughed violently, wrapped tightly up under the short,
scratchy blanket they provided everyone upon entry.

In this example, I played with punctuation, specifically with commas. I like how they control the pacing, and how the ideas seem to unfold slowly. Tends to build tension without anything really happening.

You'll also notice, I inferred he was crying in this example, instead of simply saying it. You could do the same with
trembling: change it to shaking, or...
coughing: changing it to choking on the air around him.

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WORD SOUP SAMPLE 3: Say It!

Stop your crying, he coached himself, trembling and bracing himself through violent bouts of coughing brought upon by the dusty blanket he had carefully cocooned himself into; they'll have to pry me out of here.

He's actually thinking it rather than saying it in this example, but it can be done either way. I've used dialogue to introduce crying into the sentence.

This version also focuses more on his mood, which is fear considering he's wrapped tightly under a dusty blanket that is making him cough. Cough in this case is doing some double duty, giving us some action and really giving us a good idea of the mood.

That's all I've got for now. No more soup for you!

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Suggestions:

KEEP A LIST:

I'm assuming you read. When you do, take notes of all the complex sentences that stand out to you and jot them down on an accessible list you can reference from time to time.
Before I write, I usually look at these lists and they help with the creative writing process a great deal as I can immediately apply some of the strategies.

PRACTICE

Spend time practicing this very exercise you've inadvertently devised. Come up with your own three sentences and see which one sounds the best.

So go on...and get cookin'!


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