: Re: Is this description of my small productivity application clear enough? I wrote a small productivity application, Tomate. Since I'm not a native English speaker, I'm afraid the description of the
Your use of English is very good, yet your arrangement could be better.
The sentence near the end that
starts "Why "Tomate"? Tomate is the
French..." should be closer to the
beginning, if not at the
beginning.
Avoid using generic
terms like "one" when referring to a
potential user (you do this in the
beginning - "How can one focus...").
You use the word "you" later, which
is more personal and is actually the
preferred way of writing for a
description like this.
I would exclude "It turns out
the diagnosis is as follows:" - it's
too formal.
You have a really good sentence later on "Knowing I have an
escape, it is easier to commit." -
try to reverse the sentence, like
this " It is easier to commit
knowing I have an escape" - it gets
to the point sooner in a less formal
way. You could even use that
sentence as your app's tag line (one
sentence description).
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