: Is this description of my small productivity application clear enough? I wrote a small productivity application, Tomate. Since I'm not a native English speaker, I'm afraid the description of the

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What you have here is a story. I think the writing is good. The text is ideal for an about page.

However, I think your true goal is getting people to use the application. Sorry if I am making a bad assumption.

To influence people online you need to get to the point immediately. And you need to talk to them about them, not about yourself. Look at the number of times you use the word 'I' in your story.

Start with one or two sentences about why the person reading this right now needs to stop and download and try your application immediately. Ideally, you describe what problem your app solves, then the main reason how your particular app solves it (and how it is different from similar apps).

Then offer a sentence or two about yourself and why you built the app and who the app is for.

Then dive into your story, though if your app is free you should offer the download button right away and then dive into your story and offer your download button again at the end.

Example:

The Real Reason You Do Not Get Things Done - And The Three Second Simple Fix

You fail because you do not start tasks and stayed focused on them. So you never finish anything. My free app, Tomate, makes you accountable to the most important person in the world: you. It works in just seconds:

[Download button]

[Full story]

[Download button]

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Very clear, but in very many words:

"Like many of us, I suffer from attention and procrastination problems, especially when in front of a computer. How can one focus on the mundane task at hand when the appeal of the Internet is just two clicks away?"

My atention wanders after the first ten words: will this guy ever get to the point?

Are you a procrastinator? Me too, especially in front of a computer. Who wants the daily slog with the Internet just a couple of clicks away?

My two cents worth.

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Your use of English is very good, yet your arrangement could be better.

The sentence near the end that
starts "Why "Tomate"? Tomate is the
French..." should be closer to the
beginning, if not at the
beginning.
Avoid using generic
terms like "one" when referring to a
potential user (you do this in the
beginning - "How can one focus...").
You use the word "you" later, which
is more personal and is actually the
preferred way of writing for a
description like this.
I would exclude "It turns out
the diagnosis is as follows:" - it's
too formal.
You have a really good sentence later on "Knowing I have an
escape, it is easier to commit." -
try to reverse the sentence, like
this " It is easier to commit
knowing I have an escape" - it gets
to the point sooner in a less formal
way. You could even use that
sentence as your app's tag line (one
sentence description).

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Sounds perfectly clear to me. I think your English is quite good.

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