: Re: Writing compelling dialogue I try to avoid repeating the prosaic "he said", "she said" structure as much as possible when writing dialogue. But I think overload of complex descriptors "he articulated",

@Kaufman555

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The confusion with your scene is not "he articulated", "he intoned" but that there is no clear motive or emotion either from the scene itself or coming from either character.

We are told (not shown) what a "normal" interaction with Noah would be, but then we are shown something else(?) but it's unclear whether this interaction is normal or unusual between these characters. The narrator's motives shift abruptly without reason – is the MC flirting? Showing pity for an misunderstood dreamer – a broken or less functional version of herself? Is she a workplace superior trying to encourage a subordinate to focus? Is she a go-alonger who bullies the wrong kind of person because others do? I can't tell because I have been told all of these things within one scene.

Adding to the confusion, there are outside "opinions" flooding into every paragraph it is not at all clear what the actual tone of the scene should be, or how one character feels about the other much less how we the reader are suppose to feel about either of them or their "relationship".

My booming words had their intended effect. They abruptly snapped him out of whatever daze he had been in, making me feel rather guilty for disrupting his precious journey to far-away worlds of his own making. Noah had an extensive imagination---one that outstepped the boundaries of reality and convention. And I adored him all the more for it, although it isn’t exactly a trait that is usually much appreciated. All the more reason for the bullies to label him a dreamy fool who’s prone to colliding headfirst with walls.

The tonal shifts have me completely confused about what you are trying to say. The narrator abruptly yells at Noah in a booming voice, but then feels guilty about his "precious journey" and extensive imagination, which isn't appreciated so he's bullied (like she just did to him?), but she adores him..., but he bumps into walls…. There is no logical build-up or progression to this, it's just a jumble of opposing descriptions all coming from one POV about another character in no particular order. At the end of this paragraph I don't understand how he actually is or even what the narrator's opinion is. She bullies him too, but it seems justified. He doesn't really deserve any better because left on his own his mind wanders uselessly.

By the end of the full passage she is twirling her hair shyly. Wait, wasn't she the one that approached him with a booming voice? But suddenly she is shy and doesn't know what to say. Who is the awkward introvert again? When did he become hot? Isn't this the bullied nerd that bumps into walls?

No amount of "He said"/"She said" signposts are going to clear up a scene where the tone is confusing, and the narrator's descriptions are a serpentine distraction of what other people not in the scene maybe do and think. Meanwhile the characters themselves have inconsistent reactions that flip-flop between who is leading the conversation.

Show me who these people are at that moment. I never need to read a generalized impression of what faceless people might think about someone – that's the sort of thing that is (for example) shown through interactions with bullies with faces. This gives the narrator the opportunity to have one opinion, then after witnessing some bullying decides she feels something else, she's not sure what, but her behavior and tone changes as she figures it out.

Understand why these two people are interacting, how they will respond to each other, and what results (changes) will come out of this interaction. Use Theory of Mind to give the characters realistic reactions, and when the conversation doesn't go quite as planned let me recognize the change myself through scene dialog and their surface reactions alone. There should always be a primary motive for any interaction (plot) and a secondary unspoken motive (character development) that is creating some dynamic tension. Characters are not aware of their own arc, and they do not recognize their own contradictions when they make them. The character needs to be committed to whatever they are feeling at that moment. Trust the reader to remember and notice when it changes.

Most of all one speaker leads a conversation, the others react, follow, or respond. This conversation dominance doesn't change without a reason. The reader should understand who is speaking just by understanding who is the dominant. Dominant speakers will prompt the others, they will ask the questions, they will state their assumptions and try to get the others to confirm (or conform). The responders will placate, confront, deflect, mirror, or toss out a non-sequitur "happy birthday", but each person's primary motive (what they project) and secondary emotion (what they are not saying) will be present in every line.

"He said" and "he intoned" are for sentence pacing and word rhythm. If the conversation needs a "he said" because you can't tell who is speaking, you need to rethink the scene's conflict and the characters' arcs.

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