: Re: How can I indicate that a particular relationship between two male characters is purely brotherly (Philia) rather than romantic (Eros)? One of the four forms of love Greek philosophy recognised,

@Sent2472441

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Have them act like male philos friends and not eros lovers.

For example, if they call each other "Fatso" and "Bullet-head", readers will tend to think of them as friends. If they call each other "Darling" and "Honey-buns", readers will think of them as lovers.

Maybe that's obvious, but I can think of many more subtle examples. If they have an argument and then make up and they hug, that will be a possible sign that they're lovers. If they have an argument and then make up and they say, "Hey, sorry Fred" and "I get it. We're good.", that's more like friends. Could two philos friends hug? Of course? Could too lovers say "sorry" and "that's ok"? Sure. But it's the sort of thing that adds up. If I read a book -- or saw two real men -- who did one "maybe lover" thing and ten "probably friend" things, I'd likely conclude they're friends, not lovers. And vice versa.

I've read plenty of books, seen plenty of movies, etc, where two men are friends and it never occurred to me to think they might be gay lovers, because they never act romantic towards each other.

I think that to the average heterosexual, the idea that two men might be in a gay relationship is out of the ordinary enough that they won't tend to think of it unless you hit them over the head with it. Homosexuals are like 3% of the population, after all. Like, if a story is set in the United States, I'll generally assume that all the characters are American citizens unless you tell me otherwise or give me strong clues. Not because I am prejudiced against non-Americans, but because the statistical reality is that most people in the US are US citizens. I assume that all characters are of roughly average height unless told otherwise, even though I am well aware of the existence of dwarfs. Etc.

Homosexual readers appear to be more likely to see or imagine homosexual relationships. To an extent I can see this: it's presumably part of their daily lives. (Still: I'm white. But if I read a story set in Nigeria, I think I'd assume the characters are black unless otherwise specified. I wouldn't assume they are white just because I'm white. Whatever.)

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