: Re: Avoiding repetition when there are two unidentified individuals The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a

I think you can achieve a lot by just replacing the â€œwasâ€ sentence by making it an attribute in the following sentence, and making use of terms like â€œthe firstâ€, â€œthe formerâ€ and â€œthe otherâ€.

The overwhelmingly tall figure stood in the corner of the room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. The first figure moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall as if it was looking for something. The other one then started crawling and palpating the floor as if it were looking something. The former then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as if it were overjoyed. The skinny figure hearing this started doing the same.

Note that I refrained from making any other changes to the text, so the impact of my suggestion can be seen in isolation.

Load Full (0)

: Fiction: Living next door to a CEO A CEO moves next door to a 3rd year college student who babysits and tutors for a rich family to keep the rent paid in her expensive apartment. It seems

@Smith147

Load Full 2 Comments

: How to limit 3rd Person Omniscient without losing depth to your other characters? My writing group lately has been harrowing me to stop using 3rd Person Omniscient perspective and use 3rd Person

@Smith147

Load Full 2 Comments

: Re-reading and making changes to current work that makes everything worse? I constantly re-read my work before writing again. It helps me get in the proper mind set. But my biggest problem is

@Smith147

Load Full 6 Comments

: Why donâ€™t writers layer and number lengthy sentences? Prof. Brooks Landon, U. Iowa, Ph.D. U. Texas at Austin. Building Great Sentences: How to Write the Kinds of Sentences You Love to Read

: Re: Avoiding repetition when there are two unidentified individuals The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a

More posts by @Smith147

: Fiction: Living next door to a CEO A CEO moves next door to a 3rd year college student who babysits and tutors for a rich family to keep the rent paid in her expensive apartment. It seems

: How to limit 3rd Person Omniscient without losing depth to your other characters? My writing group lately has been harrowing me to stop using 3rd Person Omniscient perspective and use 3rd Person

: Re-reading and making changes to current work that makes everything worse? I constantly re-read my work before writing again. It helps me get in the proper mind set. But my biggest problem is

: Why donâ€™t writers layer and number lengthy sentences? Prof. Brooks Landon, U. Iowa, Ph.D. U. Texas at Austin. Building Great Sentences: How to Write the Kinds of Sentences You Love to Read

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top