: How to write cleanly even if my character uses expletive language? I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far
I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.
Should I:
describe, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.
replace with a place holder, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [defecate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.
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@Sue2132873
Some suggestions: Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with:
some very colorful/ripe language.
language that would make a sailor blush.
language that made/would make his mother blush.
You could also use some an euphemism (especially if your character is foreign/has a unique personality). Also has the added bonus of making an iconic catchphrase like:
OH, by Toutatis! (Asterix and Obelix)
Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles! (Captain Haddock, Tintin)
Ten thousand thundering typhoons! (Captain Haddock, Tintin)
More curses from Captain Haddock: www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html 101 Cuss word alternatives: wehavekids.com/parenting/101-Great-Cuss-Word-Alternatives
By indirect reference:
(after swearing, by another character)
"Such language!"
"You should be ashamed of your language!"
"Is this how your mother taught you to speak?"
Use Grawlixes like in comics: &#$%#@!*&
And, my personal favorite (never fails to crack people up):
replace "you fucking idiot" with "you uneducated potato"
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@Sent2472441
I'm also writing middle grade fiction and dealing with the same issue. I have decided to go with your option #3 : use a milder alternative. Though in a different way from how you've laid it out. As such, this is a slight frame challenge in that I'm not directly answering "how to use a swear word indirectly" but talking about how I'm approaching the same problem.
For this age range (approximately 8-12), it's common for books to be read out loud, especially at the younger end of this. Sometimes the child reads it out loud. This is the prime age for the fabulous Read to a Dog program or a child might read a section out loud in class or to a parent. Sometimes adults (parents, teachers, etc) read to kids. If you have word placeholders that can't really be pronounced in full, it gets confusing.
Words like frak and fork work on television and they've invaded the culture (I'm partial to frak myself), but they're linked with specific TV shows (Battlestar Galactica and The Good Place) which will date them badly in a few years, even if the words are still understandable in context. They also can sound a lot like the original, which is problematic when read out loud.
Also, children on the younger end of middle grade are learning about swear words and still getting the hang of them. They are more about shock value than meaning. If you use a placeholder (including standard downgrades like shoot or heck as well as made-up words) that basically only means the profane word, then that's the reference they're getting out of it. You might want that but, as an adult, what you're getting from it is different from what an 8 year old is getting from it. Ask your daughter and her friends what they think.
I decided to use words that are not profanity and are things that age group use and understand, but are not very nice. Basically mean words that hurt. Something that even an 8 year old will feel in the gut.
I'm still working out the full range, but so far, I've got words (both nouns and adjectives) such as:
Loser
Moron
Stupid
I also use sarcasm, mocking, and put downs like "if you're in charge, we're doomed." This isn't the same as swearing because it's more thought-out and less explosive, but it sets up a character as nasty and the reader can easily imagine her/him as the type of person who would swear in other circumstances. Not all people who swear are mean of course, so this only helps in some cases.
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@Cooney417
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
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@Cooney417
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
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@Dunderdale623
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
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