: Re: ...and then she held the gun In the short passage I am writing, the starting point is that one character is being held at gunpoint, and the end point is that she now holds the gun, having

@Chiappetta298

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Write quick, cut-off sentences. This is a literary technique to induce stress in the reader and to convey a fast-paced sequence of events. Consider something along the lines of:

She was at gun-point. The steel was cold. It kissed her, the mouth of the barrel. On the forehead. Ready to blow through it. A micro-explosion of a gunshot. Accompanied by her brains. She didn't want that. So, she acted. She was quick. Her hands colder than the steel. Quicker than the bullet. The gun was secured. Secured in her steel grip. He was at gun-point. His very own gun, kissing his forehead.

Now, this is pretty mild cutting. You could be a lot more dramatic (and technically ungrammatical) with something like this:

The steel was cold. Pressing into her head. The mouth kissing her. The barrel's mouth. The gun's barrel. The gunman's gun. He stood over her. She was on the ground. No shiver. No sweat. No fear. The gun was his. The control was hers. Her thighs flexed. She popped up. Hands moving quick. His hand was snapped. Fingers gone astray. Fingers no longer gripping a gun. The steel was cold, lying in her hand.

Might've gotten a bit carried away. Anyways, these two passages are a bit artsy and unorthodox, but they both follow a rule. No long, unraveling and complex sentences. They are concise, rarely containing a comma. In the last passage which took it the furthest had only ONE comma in it. Now, you might have some problems with this style of writing, which is completely understandable, but it is nonetheless, a way to quicken the pacing.

Another thing that goes well with the choppy sentences is repetition of words and formats, something quite present in the latter passage. Hopefully this helped you out a little.

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