bell notificationshomepageloginNewPostedit profile

Topic : Re: Writing an ace/aro character? In a fantasy series that I’ve been working on for some time now, there is a character that I’ve always kind of seen as not having sexual or romantic attraction. - selfpublishingguru.com

10% popularity

I'm aro/ace myself, so my advice comes from that perspective.

Before trying to write your character, there are three things you should consider. First, how does he feel about the act of sex itself?

Asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, and aces can be sex positive with high libidos, sex-repulsed with no libidos, or anywhere in between. A high-libido sex-positive ace could happily participate in a sexual relationship to fulfil their own physical needs; they simply wouldn't feel that urge allos have to have sex with a specific person. A no-libido, sex-repulsed ace will avoid sex and sexual situations, and likely express disgust with them.

Second, how is sexuality represented and viewed in your setting?

Depending on your answer to the first question, an aro/ace character may not participate in society in a way that's distinguishable from an allosexual. For example, I appear to be allo and straight because I'm in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. But I'm incredible aro/ace and my partner is aro/demi. I know at least one other couple for whom that's true. If asexuality/aromanticism are viewed negatively (or even simply unknown) in your setting, aros and aces are likely to keep their heads down and blend in, by participating in "normal"-appearing relationships (either with other aros/aces or with unsuspecting allos), or by finding socially-acceptable reasons to avoid sex (such as by joining a religious order which idolizes celibacy).

If, on the other hand, aro/aces are viewed positively, aro/aces may have their own subcultures and group language which your character might participate in. A squish-based relationship might be as common and socially acceptable as a sex-based one. Your character will have language to describe how he approaches sexual attraction, and won't (necessarily) be shy about using it.

Third, is your character aware he's aro/ace?

This one seems like an odd question, but if you spend any time on /r/asexuality (I recommend doing so, by the way, if you're writing an aro/ace character), a common thread that you'll see in most posts/comments is how we often don't realize we're different. Most aces have an appreciation for aesthetic beauty and it usually takes us a long time to realize that it's not the same thing as sexual attraction, especially given the way modern society conflates the two. It wasn't until I was well into my 20s that I realized people were being literal when they talked about wanting to jump someone's bones - I thought it just meant they found the person aesthetically pleasing.

A decent analogy would be thinking about how someone feels about vegemite (or if you're Australian, then pick an exotic food of your choice). For most non-Australians, vegemite simply isn't part of their daily routine. Someone might seek it out to try it, but most people go about their lives without thinking about it one way or another. If you've never had vegemite, you probably don't spend much time wondering what it would be like to have it, or thinking about how you've never had it. You do not feel an instinctive, uncontrollable urge to go out and have it. If your friends start talking about how excited they were to go eat vegemite, you nod and smile politely.

Once you know the answer to these three questions, you'll have a better idea of how (and whether) to show your character's aro/ace-ness.

If your character is aware he's aro/ace and the setting allows him to be open about it, it'll be much easier to find natural ways of bringing it up: your character might talk about squishes or aesthetic attraction, or he might have reason to outright state he's aro/ace, such as if someone asks if he has a wife back home.

If your character isn't aware he's aro/ace, or has social pressure to not reveal it, then it likely becomes, as @wetcircuit said, part of the hidden 80% of the iceberg of his personality. You know about it, and it may be visible in how he reacts to certain situations, but unless those situations are relevant to your plot, it may simply not come up.

And that's okay! Building a character who never openly says they're ace, but demonstrates it via their actions (or lack thereof), is totally fine. Representation is good, but forced representation via a stilted, showy conversation about how aro/ace your character is, can feel like the bad kind of token representation. Write your character authentically, even if that means simply not addressing the question of sexuality.

Specific tips for how your character may demonstrate his aro/ace-ness

As mentioned above, aces often don't realize the rest of the world views sex differently than we do. Your character may respond to discussions about sex or lust with "wait, people actually do that?" This isn't necessarily kinkshaming - it's genuine bafflement, the same kind of disbelief as a colorblind person being told there's a difference between red and green.
He is likely to have difficulty understanding why someone would do something for love or lust. Romance stories will fall flat to him because it seems weird to do increasingly bizarre things to try to "win" someone's love. He may have trouble beliving someone would put themselves at risk to have sex. Romeo and Juliet-style antics make no sense to him; he'll likely respond with "but why?"
He will react differently to displays of open sexuality, such as strip clubs (or your fantasy setting's equivalent). How differently he reacts depends on your answer to the first question above: if he has a libido and/or is sex-positive, he may enjoy it simply on a personal level, but will feel no desire to interact with the people doing the show, nor with anyone else. If he has no libido and/or is sex-repulsed, he may openly dislike the display and try to avoid it.


Load Full (0)

Login to follow topic

More posts by @Bryan361

0 Comments

Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best

Back to top