: Is it alright to write the characters name when they are thinking? I am sorry. Its a bit longer than necessary. So as not to put one entire page here, I cut a piece of the paragraph. Ian

Vote Up Vote Down

If the narrator is describing what a person said and thought, then the narrator can use their name. Typically direct thoughts of a character are in italics, while tags and words from the narrator are not.

Unlike other writing in the real world, in novels you need to be careful with italics, when used with a sentence or fragment in a paragraph by themselves, they are a signal for thought.

I am so stupid, Lavi thought. Why did I do that?

In third person (which you are using) there are two ways to show the thoughts of a character, one is for the narrator to describe the content of the thought, the other way is for direct reporting of the thoughts themselves, as I did above, when somebody has an internal conversation with themselves.

The narrator description of thoughts uses third person, no italics (perhaps single words can be italicized for emphasis). Usually we use narrator description for times when our thoughts cannot actually be verbalized very well. For example, if I ask you to imagine a motorcycle, what happens in your mind is NOT a long verbal description of a motorcycle, it is likely an image of a motorcycle unaccompanied by any verbal description at all. (In fact, that image can be different for different people; perhaps your favorite motorcycle, or ideal motorcycle, or typical motorcycle, or an actual motorcycle your nephew owns, etc).

In the second mile of her run, Mandy's thoughts turned to Bill's writeup on the Hergowich deal. It made no sense, he handed her the writeup, said I think you're gonna love it, then when she read it, he murdered the deal. What's she supposed to love, murdering the deal? It occurred to her in a flash, jogging in place at the light at Spring View, that maybe he wasn't talking to her, or maybe not for her benefit, but somebody else's benefit. Images of the gathering ran through her mind, who was nearby? She saw Jerry, Michael, Lisa ... Lisa triggered something, a feeling, an instinct. Something about Lisa, she couldn't put her finger on it, but it was there. It was frustrating, she couldn't quite get there. Mandy finished the second mile back at her house, the last push a sprint up the stairs to the shower.

Of course, these two styles can be mixed. Just break and start a new paragraph in italics for direct thoughts. If you show thoughts for only ONE character, then you don't even need tags, like "Mandy thought." The italics tell the reader it is a "Mandy thinking" paragraph.

Use italics in a new paragraph, just like dialogue, when thoughts can be easily formulated into sentences.

I personally do not use italicized thoughts for confused, broken, or hesitant thoughts, or thoughts of images and other things that are seldom verbalized, including activities: If I am thinking about walking the dog or playing volleyball or vacuuming the house or scrambling eggs for breakfast or going out to dinner, I don't internally verbalize a description of these activities, I see images.

For thoughts that don't come with an easy verbalization, I use narrator description of thoughts.

(0)